Nice
by transmutejun
Summary: Ken struggles with his emotions concerning a special someone... Based on the Duran Duran song 'Nice'.
1. Take the beautiful sting of a Scorpion

_**Take the beautiful sting of a Scorpion**_

The God Phoenix swooped down from the sky, obviously surprising the Galactor mecha that was currently in the process of destroying an otherwise peaceful-looking Swiss village.

"What the hell is that thing?" Joe asked.

"I think it's a scorpion." I muttered, shaking the sleepiness from my brain. I hadn't gotten much sleep, and had actually been out on a night flight when Dr. Nambu had summoned us all to the Crescent Coral Base for this mission.

"Didn't they have a scorpion a couple of months ago?" Joe protested.

"That was a beetle." Jinpei pointed out. "I should know; the damn thing swallowed me."

"Maybe he's thinking about those horrible ants!" Jun suggested.

"And there was that lobster thing underwater." Ryu added.

"Whatever!" Joe grumbled. "Why can't Katse come up with a mecha that actually looks like a mecha for a change?"

"It's an obvious side effect of his insanity." Jun smirked. "Now, if only we could convince him to make a bunny mecha, we'd be all set."

I smiled briefly at her attempt to lighten the mood. It was much appreciated, as it helped clear my mind from its foggy depression. I needed to concentrate on the task at hand.

"Okay, Ryu, let's get its attention." I ordered.

"I think we've already got it!" Ryu stated, pulling back hard on the console levers and sending the God Phoenix shooting up into the sky, narrowly avoiding the stinger on the scorpion's tail. The images of the Swiss Alps on the viewscreen rotated, as our ship turned so that it was perpendicular to the ground.

"I just want to shoot some birds at that thing and go home!" yawned Joe. "I could use some sleep before my big race tomorrow."

"Be my guest." I sighed in seeming reluctance. Actually, I thought it was a good idea, but I didn't want Joe to think that he was pulling one over on me. It's hard working keeping the Condor in line.

Grinning to himself, Joe actually waited for the glass covering to retract before depressing the red launch button. A Bird Missile sailed toward the scorpion mecha, hitting it directly in the face… or whatever that part was that looked kind of like a head.

Unfortunately, despite Joe's accuracy, the missile had apparently done little, if anything, to damage the mecha. Instead, the eyelids on the scorpion opened, and red laser beams shot out at our position. It took all of Ryu's piloting skills to keep us safe.

"That's been happening _much_ too often, recently." Joe yelled, slamming his fist into the control panel. "I think we need to upgrade these Bird Missiles. I feel like I'm playing with a pop gun!"

"We'll just have to take it out from the inside, then." I said calmly. I was just as frustrated as Joe was, but I couldn't allow myself to show it. There were times when my anger threatened to spill forth, but I usually couldn't afford that luxury. I knew that among the team it gave me the reputation of being somewhat emotionless, but I supposed that was the price I had to pay, being the leader of the Science Ninja Team.

"That's easier said than done, Ken!" Ryu pointed out through gritted teeth. It was clear that the Owl was stretching his abilities to the limit to avoid both the stinger and the laser beams.

"Point taken, Ryu." I said. "Joe, Jinpei, get out there in your G-machines and provide some distraction for Ryu. Jun and I will infiltrate the mecha and set some charges. Everyone be back here in twenty minutes."

"Roger!"

88888

I rose up to the dome at the top of the God Phoenix, with Jun standing beside me. I felt confident having the Swan with me, partly because of her familiarity with Galactor mecha design and explosives, but also because Jun always made me feel more confident. I never admitted it to anyone, but I often paired myself with her on missions, because of this. When I was with Jun, I felt like I could do anything…

It was this thought that filled my mind, as we soared through the air, gliding down to the Galactor mecha below us. I spotted an entrance hatch, and flew toward it, certain that Jun was following, without having to look back. The Swan was like that: I could always count on her, no matter the situation.

I tugged at the hatch, but it wouldn't budge. I felt a gentle nudging at my side, and turned to see Jun smiling softly as her white wings whipped in the wind. She pulled me back behind her, then shot out her yo-yo at the hatch, causing a small explosion. The blackened door opened easily after that.

We slipped through the base, easily taking out the few goons we came across. Between my Birdrang and Jun's yo-yo, we were an unstoppable team.

I almost halted in my tracks, thinking that. I had never realized it, but it was true. We were both on the Science Ninja Team, but in a way, Jun and I were a team _within_ the team. We balanced out each other's strengths and weaknesses, and worked perfectly together.

Maybe that's why we were the ones with the white wings.

I chased these thoughts from my mind, concentrating on the task at hand. I was certain that Jun would not be distracted in this manner while on the job, and neither should I be.

We stopped at a nearby computer terminal, and Jun accessed the high security Galactor system as easily as a normal person would access their bank account from an ATM. But I didn't have time to admire her skill: I was keeping an eye out for more soldiers.

"I think I've found the main reactor." the Swan said, moving away from the terminal. "One hundred meters in that direction, about forty meters below us."

"Then let's go." I suggested.

The reactor was exactly where Jun had thought it would be. Again, I kept an eye out while she re-wired circuits and deployed an explosive device with a timer set to go off in five minutes.

"Time to go." she announced, turning to leave.

"I don't think so…" a familiar voice echoed through the high-ceilinged chamber.

Katse.


	2. A careless smile

_**A careless smile**_

"And who's going to stop us?" I asked in a loud, clear voice.

Katse smiled carelessly, the corners or his mouth curling up in an evil expression of glee.

"What arrogance, Gatchaman!" the Galactor Leader declared. "You think you can just sneak into my mecha, blow it up, and leave any time you want to! Well I'll tell you a secret…"

There was a pregnant pause.

"It's not that easy." Katse smirked.

He flicked a red-gloved hand, and platoons of Galactor soldiers ran into the room, all aiming rifles at our position. Jun and I had never had any trouble defeating those green-suited goons before, but this was a greater number than we had ever encountered at one time. There had to be at least two hundred of them.

A momentary flicker of doubt passed through my mind, but I quickly squelched it. I was the Eagle… the White Shadow… and I wasn't going to let Katse's show of bravado intimidate me.

I unholstered my Birdrang and sent it sailing across the room toward Katse's position as my answer. I allowed myself a slight smile as I saw the Galactor Leader scramble for cover, before the weapon took out his two closest guards and returned to my hand.

"What are you waiting for?" Katse screamed at his troops, no longer sounding confident. "Get them!"

The hundreds of soldiers surrounding us immediately closed in, sending a barrage of gunfire our way. I leapt into the air, landing on top of the reactor. I didn't waste time checking for Jun. I knew that she could handle herself.

I launched my Birdrang at the core of the goons attacking my position, slicing the barrels of their rifles, causing them to fall back into the soldiers behind them. From my position on the reactor they resembled a bunch of bowling pins, falling all over themselves. I grinned to myself, enjoying the havoc I had caused.

I flew into the air, gliding down to land on the heads of some nearby soldiers. They fired randomly at my position, more often than not actually taking out one of their comrades. The few shots I was unable to dodge were easily deflected by my wings. I danced along the sea of green masks, starting to enjoy myself, until I saw something that made my heart stop.

Jun was on the floor, surrounded by at least forty men. They jumped on top of her, tackling the Swan in a maneuver vaguely reminiscent of an Ameris football game.

My momentary distraction was nearly the end of me. A blast of laser fire flew in front of my visor, and I had to backflip to avoid having my helmet scorched. As I came back around, I saw something white and pink shoot out of the pile of goons, flying high into the air, then reaching back down. An explosion decimated the green-uniformed troops below her as Jun retracted her yo-yo and landed on top of the reactor, occupying the position I had abandoned only a few moments before.

I swelled with pride at what she had accomplished. Between the two of us, more than half of Katse's forces were already obliterated.

"Incompetent idiots!" Katse cried out in frustration. "Shoot them! How difficult can it be?" It was clear that things were not proceeding as the Galactor Leader had planned.

I joined Jun on the reactor, sending out my Birdrang again and again as Jun used her yo-yo to devastating effect.

"Uh, Ken…" she said, as she threw her weapon out for another detonation, "how long has it been?"

The timer.

Damn.

"I think it's been long enough." I replied, just as a thin trail of smoke began leaking out of the panel into which Jun had wired the explosives.

"Fire in the hole!" she cried, grabbing me and pushing my body off of the reactor, just as a giant fireball engulfed the device, taking a few dozen goons with it.

The remaining soldiers stopped attacking at that point, instead choosing to run screaming from the room, following in the wake of their recently departed leader. Katse had escaped again. It was frustrating as hell, but I had almost come to expect it, after our many encounters.

A giant crack opened up in the wall of the chamber, giving a tantalizing glimpse of the snow-covered Alps on the other side. I dove for the opening, confident that the Swan was right behind me as the mecha began exploding, red-hot shards of metal raining down upon the icy mountainside.

I landed hip deep in the snow, watching in amazement as the mecha exploded in a testament to the Swan's efficient handiwork. I wriggled around, carefully digging myself out, wincing as I felt a nasty twinge in my knee. I guessed that I'd torn a ligament down there. It wasn't the first time I'd sustained such an injury. It was all part of a normal day on the job as Gatchaman. Grunting and sweating profusely, I finally managed to pull my body out of the snowpack, then collapsed on top of the cold, wet rock, gasping from my exertions.

In all of the excitement, it took me a couple of minutes to realize that Jun wasn't beside me.


	3. And it begins to snow

_**And it begins to snow**_

I looked around, expecting to see Jun walking up to me at that very moment, perhaps a little worse for wear, but safe and sound.

But there was no sign of anyone alive in the area, only the smoking wreckage of what had, until a few minutes ago, been a Galactor mecha. I saw a few green-uniformed bodies dotting the landscape far below me, but there was nothing that even remotely resembled the Swan.

I scanned the skies, looking for any sign of the God Phoenix, but dark clouds of billowing smoke obscured my view.

"This is G1 to the God Phoenix. G5, come in!"

There was no response, only a quiet static that mocked my attempts to contact my teammates.

Why wasn't my bracelet working? As I stared at the wreckage of the mecha scorpion, I suddenly understood. The reactor had had a magnetic core, and the explosion had likely caused a burst of electro-magnetic radiation to blanket the area. These kinds of radiation often interfered with communications systems. While it would likely clear soon, for the moment I had no way of contacting the other members of the Science Ninja Team.

I was alone.

More importantly, wherever she was, Jun was likely alone. And it was up to me to find her.

I replayed the last few moments inside the mecha through my mind. Jun had pushed me off of the reactor just as it had exploded…

I suddenly realized that I hadn't seen her since then.

Had she left the mecha at all?

I wasn't sure.

The flaming remains of the scorpion mocked me, whispering that I had destroyed the Galactor mecha, only to lose something infinitely more valuable.

No! I wasn't going to think that way. Jun _hadn't_ been in the mecha when it broke apart. I had managed to get out and so had she. If anyone could do it, she could. How many times had we escaped 'certain' death together?

Too many times to count.

It occurred to me that the sky was darkening. The smoke from the mecha's destruction was beginning to dissipate, but storm clouds were rolling in, and a light snowfall was settling onto the ground.

If Jun had escaped the mecha…. no, _when_ Jun had escaped the mecha… she had probably come out onto this same mountain, as the crack through which I had left was the obvious exit. So that meant that she had to be around here, somewhere.

The snow was coming down harder now, and Jun and I were both wearing white. The longer I waited, the more difficulty we would have spotting each other.

"Jun!" I called, but my voice was quickly swallowed by the wind, which was beginning to howl. Still, I strained my ears, listening for a response as I wrapped my wings about me.

There was none.

I did the only thing I could: I began walking across the mountain, looking high and low for any sign of the Swan. The pain in my knee was forgotten as my concern for Jun grew. Periodically I called out for her, but there was always no response.

Where was she? The longer I walked, the more the panic inside of me began to take hold of my thoughts. She _had_ to be out here, _somewhere_… the alternative was unthinkable.

Except, that I was thinking of it more and more.

I couldn't lose someone under my command. I couldn't lose a teammate. But I had to reluctantly admit to myself that Jun was more than a teammate. Joe was my right hand, but Jun was the heart of the team.

A man could survive without his right hand… but what about his heart?

Frantically, I redoubled my efforts, stumbling through the snow, tripping over small rocks hidden underneath a fresh blanket of white. Visibility was rapidly diminishing, and I knew that once it was completely dark my chances of finding her would be…

And then I saw something.

I don't know how or why my eyes lit upon that exact spot, but they did. About ten meters above my position on the mountain, something was sticking out of the snow.

It was a hand covered in a white glove.


	4. And it hurts me to think that you might

_**And it hurts me to think that you might never know**_

I stood stock still for a second, fearing what that single white glove implied. Why was the hand protruding from a snowdrift, and yet not moving?

Then my brain started to work again, and I moved as quickly as I could up the slope (which admittedly, wasn't very fast with my frozen fingers and toes) toward that small white glove. My hands scrabbled for hold, practically tearing chunks of rock loose from the mountainside in my frantic haste to reach it.

How long had it been since the mecha exploded? I was nearly freezing out in the storm, and if Jun were buried in the snow… was she even conscious?

It seemed like I was fighting my way through molasses as I climbed, my movements excruciatingly slow, while my panicked brain attempted to grasp exactly how long Jun could have lain there, under that deceptively beautiful blanket of white.

I got closer, fighting every inch of the way as my knee screamed in protest. But the screaming in my soul drowned out the physical pain I was experiencing. The howling of the wind receded in my mind, the bitter cold of the snow faded from my consciousness, as I became entirely focused on reaching the Swan.

After a long time… too long a time… I was finally able to grasp the hand. There was no doubt that it was Jun's glove. I knew her Birdstyle as well as I knew my own; better, in fact, because I stared at her a lot more than I stared at myself in a mirror. I pulled, attempting to free her from the snow, but she didn't budge.

I wasn't certain whether she had been frozen into the snow bank, or whether my strength was just so diminished that I was unable to use sufficient force to get her out. I moved closer; bracing myself and taking a deep breath before attempting again.

She moved. A sense of relief washed over me, fueling my second wind. I dug down into the snow with my gloved hands, then pulled again, holding onto her upper arm. Jun's body moved a little more, but I had to repeat the process again and again, digging and pulling, digging and pulling… over and over until finally I had her entire upper body free. Her eyes were closed, and her face was an ashen color.

With nervous trepidation, I felt for a pulse at the base of her throat.

There was nothing there.

I choked, not willing to believe what I was seeing. I yanked off my glove, feeling again.

Something was there. It was very faint, enough so that I hadn't felt it through my stiff, soaked glove, but it was _definitely_ a pulse.

I smiled in desperate relief.

"I'm here, Jun." I said, pulling her body toward mine. "You're safe, now."

Snow was packed underneath her visor and against the upper part of her face. Gently I scraped it out, as I watched the nearly imperceptible rising and falling of her chest.

She was alive… but for how long?

I continued working to remove her legs from the snow bank, digging around her, speaking to the Swan the entire time. I knew that she couldn't hear me, but the constant chatter made _me_ feel better, and took my mind off of the terrible reality of the situation.

"Everything is going to be just fine, Jun. You'll see. Any moment now I'll be able to contact Ryu, and we'll be picked up by the God Phoenix. Tonight you'll be back at the Snack, and I'll bring you some hot chocolate. I know how you love hot chocolate. Let Jinpei take care of _you_ for a change. Joe and Ryu and I will help. It's going to be just fine…"

My voice trailed off as I finally broke Jun free from the crust of ice that had formed around her legs. My fingers were numb, particularly on my gloveless hand, but somehow I managed to clumsily drag her body against mine, wrapping my wings around her so that they encompassed us both.

As cold as I was, Jun felt even colder. Her skin was like ice against my bare hand. Part of me had always appreciated the teasing glimpses of bare skin that Jun showed underneath her Birdstyle, but now I was cursing the ISO uniform designers who had left her body needlessly exposed to the elements.

There was no response from Jun. Not a sigh, not a groan, not a flutter of her eyelids. It was almost as if… But I couldn't let myself think that way. Jun was going to recover. She _had_ to.

Because if she didn't recover, I would never have a chance to tell her certain things. Things I had put off, always assuming that there would be another time to say them… a _better_ time.

But… what if there were no more times… no more opportunities to tell Jun these important things? Things she needed to know.

Things _I_ needed her to know.

Jun couldn't be dead. I wouldn't _let_ her be dead. If I had any power at all, as the mighty Gatchaman, I could prevent it…

In the back of my mind, I knew that these thoughts weren't entirely rational, and I recognized that I was already grieving for my teammate, while simultaneously attempting to save her.


	5. That I've got this thing about you

_**That I've got this thing about you**_

Only, Jun wasn't _just_ a teammate…

It was something I never thought about, yet it was always there, pricking the edge of my consciousness. No matter how hard I tried to keep Jun at arm's length, she was always close to me, usually without any effort on her part. My unconscious self kept her close, reveling in the fact that we were drawn to each other.

When I was feeling beaten and depressed, which was more often that I liked to admit, even to myself, Jun was there with a comforting smile and a listening ear. When I was happy, she was there to share in my joy. In fact, it seemed like I couldn't _truly_ be happy unless she was around.

"This is G1 to all members of the Science Ninja Team. Anyone…"

There was still no response. I set the message on auto-transmit, hoping that communications would clear soon. Sighing, I pulled Jun slightly closer to me. It was funny how I only held her like this when we were on duty. When she was distressed, or hurt, I would hold her, comforting her as a Commander would.

Only… in my heart, I was _more_ than just her Commander.

Strange how it was times like this that forced me to see what was usually hidden at all costs.

I was in love with the Swan.

Of course, Jun didn't know that. How could she, when I was always pushing her away? Occasionally she would look at me, and I would see the unspoken question in her eyes. My response was always to turn away from her, denying what was in my heart. I had been doing this for so long that it had become force of habit, and I didn't even have to think about it anymore.

But no matter how often it happened (and admittedly, it was happening less and less often of late) the wounded expression on Jun's face always pierced me to the core.

There were times when I found myself desperately wanting to let her know how I really felt, but somehow I always managed to hold back. I couldn't tell her; it was too dangerous. If something happened between us, and Katse found out, then she would become his primary target. Galactor would always be after her, and her alone, knowing that it was the best way to get to me. No matter how good Jun was, she couldn't take on Galactor alone. God knew, I had tried and failed many times. It was only as a _team_ that the five of us could succeed in this war.

But if Galactor forced her to fight by herself, constantly targeting her and cornering her when she was alone, she would eventually fall.

A relationship with me would be a death sentence for her.

At night, when I would toss and turn alone in my bed, there was a part of me that whispered that things could be different… that we _could_ be together, acknowledging our feelings for each other and still working as a team. Katse could try to target her, but he wouldn't be able to if the five of us held strong… and we always did.

That was the part of me that wanted to tell her how I felt about her… the part of me that wanted _her_ to know…

I had always satisfied these urges with the thought that one day, when the war was over, I could declare myself to Jun, and that we would be able to act like a normal couple: dating, sharing, spending nights in each others' arms…

At this last thought, my body hardened, recognizing the close proximity of her form to mine. She was in my arms _now_… but what good had it been, holding back from her? She was dying in my embrace as I sat here, regretting that I had never said anything to her to let her know how I really…

"G1, we have your signal. We're coming to get you."

"I'm glad to hear your voice, G5!" I said into my bracelet. "Hurry, G3 needs medical attention."

"I'm on my way."

Within moments, the God Phoenix appeared from the clouds, and I gathered the still unconscious Swan in my arms. She didn't make a sound as I leapt into the air, landing on top of the ship and descending from the elevation platform down to the Bridge.


	6. In case you don't understand

_**In case you don't understand**_

The moment we arrived Jinpei leapt up from his seat.

"What's wrong with Onechan?" he asked, his voice filled with concern.

"She's been buried in the snow." I explained, looking at the Condor. "What can you do for her, Joe?"

"Let's take her to Medical Bay and check her body temperature." Joe said, leading the way.

"I want to come, too!" Jinpei insisted.

"Not now, Jinpei." I told the boy. "Let's just allow Joe to help her, okay?"

Reluctantly, he nodded. The Swallow knew a dismissal when he heard one.

I didn't delay any longer, rushing to the Medical Bay. When I arrived I gently laid Jun down on one of the examination tables. Joe had already gotten out a set of thermometers, and he began taking Jun's temperature under her arm and tongue. During all of this, she was completely unconscious, barely giving any signs of life.

"How long was she out there?" Joe asked, looking at me as he waited for the results.

"I… I don't know…" I said, dropping dejectedly into a chair. "I'm not even sure how long _I_ was out there…"

"Well, it's been about an hour since the mecha exploded." Joe informed me.

"Maybe half of that time?" I said, completely unsure. "I found her awhile ago, and was trying to keep her warm until I could contact you guys."

The thermometers beeped, and Joe checked them.

"31.2 degrees Celsius." he reported.

"What?" I cried, jumping up. "Is that…"

"She can recover." Joe said, pushing me back down none-too-gently. "But we have to bring her body temperature back up slowly. I'll put her in a special thermal blanket designed to do that."

I sat, watching helplessly as Joe wrapped Jun up in the silvery blanket, setting the controls to gradually warm her back up to a normal body temperature of 37 degrees.

"What else can we do?" I asked. I knew my frustration was written all over my face, but I didn't have the energy to hide it like I usually did.

"That's about it, for now." Joe said, sitting down next to me. "It's okay, Ken. She's going to be fine."

"Thank God…" I said, leaning back in my chair and reaching up under my visor to rub my eyes.

"This is hitting you hard." Joe said, staring at me with that intense expression he got when he wanted to interrogate someone.

"Yes." I admitted. "I just can't imagine ever losing anyone under my command…"

"Especially Jun." Joe said quietly.

I looked up sharply, wondering how much he knew.

"What are you saying, Joe?" I asked frostily.

Joe sighed in frustration.

"Nothing, Ken." he said, after a pause.

Guilt pricked my conscience. All Joe had been doing was trying to help Jun. My own upset state of mind was no excuse to treat him that way.

Still… my feelings for Jun, and my denial of those feelings, were weighing heavily on my mind. I needed to talk to someone. Normally when something was troubling me, I would speak to Jun, but in this case, it was not really feasible.

"Joe, do you ever feel that you're prevented from doing something you really want to do?"

Joe laughed out loud.

"You're kidding, right? You _do_ know who you're talking to?"

I had to smile myself. In a way, I _had_ forgotten. Joe was the perfect example of someone who followed through on his every impulse. How many times had he run off when Dr. Nambu had specifically ordered him not to? And I couldn't count the number of occasions I had had to physically hold Joe back to prevent him from pressing that Bird Missile Launcher button. The Condor's motto was 'Shoot first, ask questions later'.

"Okay, so you _don't_ know what I'm talking about." I sighed, after my momentary amusement had faded.

"I think I have an idea." Joe said. His voice gave away nothing, but his raised eyebrow spoke volumes.

"Am I _that_ obvious?" I groaned.

"Not to _Jun_." Joe replied. "And frankly, not entirely to me, either. I get how you feel, what I _don't_ get is why you've never done anything about it."

"I… can't." I said, finding that I was growing more and more uncomfortable having this discussion. Why had I even brought it up in the first place?

"Ken, the only person holding you back from doing anything is _you_." Joe said. "You asked if I had ever felt like I was prevented from doing something. Generally, the answer is 'no', because I don't _let_ myself be prevented from doing what I think is right. The difference between you and me is that you prevent _yourself_ from doing things. There's no one else stopping you, Ken. Just _you_."

I didn't really have a response for that. I just stared at Joe, wondering how he saw so much.

"I'll leave you two alone." Joe said. "I'll be on the Bridge if you need me."

"Thanks…" I muttered, not entirely sure that I had resolved anything within myself.


	7. There's something else I meant to tell

_**There's something else I meant to tell you**_

Jun lay there in front of me, barely breathing underneath the silvery blanket. I slipped my hand underneath it to hold hers. Even through our gloves, she still felt as cold as ice, although I was starting to see a faint hint of color returning to her cheeks.

How many times had I gone through this before? Whenever something happened to Jun, I was worried out of my mind, wondering if she would pull through, wondering if she would fully recover, wondering…

Wondering if I should have told her about my feelings.

This certainly wasn't the first occasion that I had had this dilemma. And I already felt the old stirrings of the now-familiar answer: Jun was going to be fine, so there was no need to tell her. No need for regrets.

But what if next time, Jun wasn't so lucky? Did I want her to die thinking that she was alone, and unloved?

But she wasn't going to die. She was going to recover.

Briefly, I wondered whether Jun had these same feelings when I was injured. Did she sit with me, holding my hand, silently willing me to awaken and tell her that everything was going to be okay?

Deep inside, I knew that she did.

Nearly every part of me ached to tell her how I felt; to acknowledge what I had tried to bury for so long. Yet that crucial part of me always held back. It was the core of me: the part of me that defined who and what I was: that supposedly noble part of me that wanted to keep Jun from harm.

And if I were truly honest with myself, I knew that it wasn't just Galactor I wanted to protect Jun from.

I wanted to protect her from myself.

I knew that when duty called, I could just as easily be the one who was injured, or killed. Would I be able to accept death, knowing that Jun would be hurt when I was gone? Would I hesitate to perform my duty, placing myself mortal peril, if I knew that I was sacrificing not just myself, but Jun too?

Even now, I knew that there were no easy solutions. I couldn't find the answers to my questions without being in those situations, and I couldn't be in those situations if Jun and I had never…

She gasped quietly, taking in a deeper breath of air, her chest rising and falling with the effort. Her hand felt warmer now, but my heart was still cold.

"Jun…" I said, gently touching her cheek with my free hand. "It's okay. You're on the God Phoenix. Everything's going to be fine."

She murmured softly, but I don't think she had actually heard me. She was still in some level of sub-consciousness; not completely awake yet.

I should tell her now, when she wasn't completely aware of what was going on. I could confess my feelings without her hearing me, yet still assuage my guilty conscience. And in the past couple of months, that guilty conscience had been pricking me sorely. Ever since…

I tried to shake the memory from my head, but I couldn't…

88888

It was New Year's Eve, and everyone had gathered at Dr. Nambu's home to celebrate. We hadn't had much of a Christmas, as Galactor had decided to give out presents full of poison gas to unsuspecting children, and we had had to chase Katse down, destroying his base and eliminating the threat. Unfortunately, we had not discovered what Galactor was up to until after a number of families had died. Jun had been especially hard hit by this tragedy, and it had nearly torn me apart when I had come upon her weeping over the body of a young toddler.

To make up for it, and to try to cheer everyone up, Hakase had invited everyone to his estate to celebrate the New Year. Only Jinpei was the least bit excited, while the rest of us morosely sat on the sofa, watching the ball drop over Times Square in New Jork on the television broadcasts. Of course, that was actually three hours before _our_ midnight on the West Coast, and none of us were excited at the prospect of spending that time in the stilted silence that had been prevalent since the evening had begun.

Somehow, Joe had managed to slip out early on, taking Ryu with him, and Jinpei fell asleep in front of the TV around eleven o'clock. Dr. Nambu had just sighed, and retired to bed at eleven-thirty, unable to bear witness to the strain and depression that was pulling us apart.

The problem was, it didn't feel like a _new_ year: it felt like the old year was starting again, and the past year had had too much death and defeat for us to bear the first time. I had lost my father that year, although truth be told, I hadn't even known he was alive until moments before his death. I had thought at the time that it was the worst pain I could experience. It was too much to bear, but somehow, Jun had gotten me through it. I had gone wild with rage in the weeks following my father's death, and it had only been her steady influence that had calmed me down, and made me see what I had to live for.

Jun had known… she had known that I wished that I had died along with my father. I had never told anyone, but somehow she had known, and been able to help me.

We had spent hours in conversation, talking about our lives, our childhoods, and our fight… not just the war with Galactor, but our fight to retain a semblance of normalcy in our lives. We had lost so much, and yet Jun never gave up that bright-eyed optimism that one day everything would be resolved and we would be able to live our lives as free as anyone else; no longer constant slaves to the threat of terrorism and war.

I would never have recovered from the emotional trauma of my father's death without Jun.

She looked at me now, her tired, sad eyes glimmering with tears in the flicking light emitting from the television set.

Jun's optimism had gone.

"I know…" I said, putting my arm around her and drawing her head down to my shoulder. My other arm reached around to stroke her hair, and soon I felt her silent tears soaking through my shirt. After a few minutes she spoke, her words a mere whisper in the cold silence.

"I can't do it anymore, Ken…"

"You don't know how many times I've felt that way." I revealed, astonished at what I was saying. I hadn't even known myself, until that moment, how close I had occasionally come to abandoning the team. But when I said the words, I knew them to be the truth.

"But, Ken, I can't bear it any more… those children…"

She looked up at me with tearstained cheeks, her sorrow brimming from her eyes.

"How do _you_ deal with these feelings, Ken?"

Again, I spoke from the heart, without thinking.

"I have _you_ to get me through it." I whispered.

She looked up at me then, her eyes searching my face. I don't know if she found what she was looking for, because at that moment, Hakase's old grandfather clock began to strike midnight.

"Happy New Year, Jun." I said, leaning down to brush my mouth against hers.

Her lips parted slightly in surprise, but they were soft, and welcoming. For an instant, the full potential of what we had between us was exposed to my mind, and I saw the two of us together, living lives free of war and suffering.

The last stroke of midnight sounded, and we pulled apart, hardly daring to breathe, or acknowledge what had just happened between us.

I stared into her beautiful emerald eyes, and she smiled.

"Happy New Year, Ken." she said, returning her head to my shoulder. I leaned my head onto hers, and closed my eyes, drifting off to sleep…

88888

I should have told her then.

I knew it back then, and I knew it even more now. It was the only time I had ever seriously contemplated revealing my feelings. But since that night, I had become more and more capable of hiding my emotions, and while Jun had recovered from her temporary bout of depression, my burden of guilt had only increased.

My sense of remorse overwhelmed me, and I squeezed Jun's hand under the blanket.

I had to speak _now_, before she was fully aware that what she was hearing was real. It was the only way I would be able to confess…

"Ken…"

Her voice was weak, but her eyes opened, and Jun looked at me.

"You made it…" she smiled.

"You almost didn't." I said, my throat nearly choking as I spoke. But I managed to hold it together, and maintained a professional composure.

Of course, a professional composure didn't include holding hands with my third. I quickly let go, slipping my glove out from under the blanket.

A pained expression crossed her face, and immediately I longed to take her into my arms.

But if I did that, there would be no stopping the emotional flood that was bound to come pouring forth. I had to hold back.

So I sat there, with the soul of a stone, and let my emotional walls come crashing down around me.

"Tired…" Jun whispered, closing her eyes and falling asleep.

Another opportunity lost.


	8. There is nothing better than being with

_**There is nothing better than being with you**_

I just sat there, watching Jun sleep, carefully noticing the rosy blush that was creeping across her cheeks as her body temperature returned to normal. I forced myself not to touch her, but instead rested my chin on my hands, leaning my elbows on my knees, as I regarded the Swan's slumber.

Somehow, just sitting in the same room with her was enough.

I had discovered long ago that simply being with Jun was enough to make me happy. It had been a rather startling revelation at the time, and one whose implications I hadn't quite been prepared to accept.

It had been about two years ago…

88888

It was Sunday morning. Sundays were normally a pretty stress-free time of the week, and added to that was the fact that the day before we had been on a successful mission, destroying a Galactor base. The Science Ninja Team had only been active for a couple of months, and each victory was heady stuff, so I was actually whistling as I showered and got dressed that morning.

That is, until I opened my fridge. A bottle of ketchup and a few cans of beer stared back at me. Ugh. My cabinets were no better, unless I wanted to eat some stale crackers. I think those had been there since before I started training for the team.

So I quickly hopped into my car and headed into Utoland City. The Snack wasn't open on Sundays, but I figured that I could catch Jinpei and get him to make me something… maybe bacon and eggs. It wouldn't be the first time I had invited myself to a meal there. With my meager finances it was something that was happening more and more frequently.

I tried not to think about how there was more than the Swallow's cooking bringing me to the Snack.

I pulled up in front of the Joint and parked my car, eagerly jumping out of the driver's seat. I could practically taste breakfast in my mouth.

As I walked over to the door, it opened.

"Ken!" said Jun, startled to see me there.

"Hi, Jun." I replied, suddenly uncertain of myself. "Uh… is Jinpei around?"

"Nope." Jun shook her head. "He left early this morning to go catch some bugs. I think all of those mecha ants yesterday inspired him." She rolled her eyes and shuddered.

"Oh…" I said, looking down at my feet. "So, what are you doing?" I looked curiously at the large bag at her feet.

"Laundry." Jun sighed. "It's a pain, but it really has to get done. I think Jinpei's sheets were about ready to crawl out of the bed by themselves. The laundromat is usually empty on Sunday mornings, so I thought it would be a good time to go."

"Sounds kind of boring." I said, without thinking.

"I guess." Jun shrugged. "But not everything in life can be as exciting as yesterday."

I grinned, remembering our victory the day before.

"That was something, wasn't it?" I smiled.

"Yeah…" Jun practically glowed, her face lighting up with excitement. She looked at me speculatively.

"Want to come?" she asked, gesturing to her laundry bag.

"Uh…" It was a question I hadn't expected, but somehow, I found myself responding.

"Okay." I agreed. "After all of those free meals you spot me, I guess I could at least give you the pleasure of my company."

Jun laughed then, the sound echoing pleasantly in the fresh morning air, and warming my heart.

I suddenly knew that I had made the right decision.

"It will take a lot more than that, to work off your tab, Ken." she winked, waggling a finger at me. "But it's certainly a good start." she admitted.

"Can I help you with that?" I asked, reaching for her bag.

"I hope you know that I'm not some weak female." Jun smirked.

"Of course not," I bowed gallantly, "I was just trying to be polite, milady."

"Well, aren't _you_ the smooth talker today, Ken?" she giggled.

As it turned out, my gesture wasn't that much of a sacrifice, as the laundromat was only two blocks away. As Jun had anticipated, it was deserted, and we had it to ourselves.

"What's in here?" I asked curiously, rubbing my shoulder after putting the bag down next to a washing machine. "Bricks?"

"Mostly sheets and towels." Jun shrugged. "After all, we don't really have that many clothes to wash." She gestured at her civvies uniform, sighing.

I was startled for a moment. As a guy who had always had difficulty with the entire concept of fashion, I had been grateful to learn that I never had to think about it again. One set of clothes for every occasion, and they transformed into my work uniform as well. The answer to all of my problems!

But, I hadn't thought about it being different for Jun. I guessed, when I thought about it, that girls usually cared much more about what they wore. If I were honest, I would admit to being much more interested in what girls wore too.

"What would you like to wear, Jun?" I asked her. The question just came forth, without my thinking about it, and it startled us both. She stopped loading the laundry into the machine and furrowed her brow.

"Well, until a couple of months ago, I would have said a miniskirt." she sighed ruefully. "But I guess I get enough of that now, don't I?"

My cheeks turned red. How could I admit that Joe and Ryu and I had been checking out what was under her pink miniskirt from the moment we all transmuted for the first time? In fact, it had been the subject of more than one locker room conversation after training…

"I'd like to wear a dress more often though." she said, looking down at her striped pants with disdain. "This just feels so… unfeminine. You know?"

Actually, I didn't know, but I hurriedly nodded, eager to change the subject. But then, the image of Jun in a dress… a _proper_ dress… entered my mind. I could see her, gliding across the floor, wearing high heels, her neckline low enough to show just a hint of what was underneath. The dress was clinging to her body, revealing her lush curves…

My mouth went dry, and I gripped the edge of the washing machine.

"I guess it's worth it, though." Jun continued, oblivious to my reaction. "After all, it's such a little complaint, in the grand scheme of things."

"Yeah." I agreed, grabbing some of the dirty things out of the bag in an attempt to hide my face.

"What are these?" I asked, surprised, nearly dropping the garment I was holding.

"Those are Jinpei's!" Jun laughed. "Don't you remember that he likes bugs?"

"Yeah." I replied, looking askance at the pajamas that had grasshoppers, beetles and slugs printed all over them. They were quite lifelike… too lifelike, after our ant encounter the day before.

I quickly dropped them into the machine, then pulled out the next item.

Suddenly, I wished that I had Jinpei's pajamas back in my hand, because now I was holding a sheer pink nightie.

"Uh…" Jun's cheeks matched the color of the garment I was holding, "would you believe that's Jinpei's?"

I looked at her, and began laughing. It broke the tension, and in an instant we were both more relaxed.

"I guess that it looks like something Jinpei would wear." I winked at her.

"Oh, didn't you know?" Jun giggled, "After bugs, Jinpei's favorite theme is pink."

Jun finally finished loading the machine. She poured in the soap, then hopped up on top of it to wait until it was done with its cycle.

To my surprise, the time passed quickly. We talked about all kinds of things, from Jinpei's obsession with bugs, to our favorite songs on the radio, to my flying business and the Snack J, and even about the way our lives were affected by our unorthodox careers.

No matter how serious or trivial the topic, I found myself paying attention to Jun's words. Her comments were very insightful, and even when she was joking around, she seemed to know exactly what to say that would have me laughing. We had never had a real opportunity to sit down and just _talk_, and I discovered that I was enjoying myself immensely.

It occurred to me that there was a lot more to Jun than what was under her miniskirt, and I was suddenly ashamed of my adolescent behavior. There was more to the Swan than met the eye.

Although, she certainly was easy on the eyes…

Hurriedly, I pushed the thought from my mind. It was a dangerous road to go down. I knew that it wouldn't be a good idea to be thinking of my third officer in this manner…

But my thoughts kept drifting back to it.

Still, what did it matter? I was professional enough to enjoy my thoughts, and not let them spill over into my actions.

Of course, I had no idea where these thoughts would eventually lead me.

After Jun had finished at the Laundromat, I walked her back to the Snack. I waited, holding her bag of clean laundry while she opened the door, and she glanced shyly at me.

"Do you want to come in for some lunch?" she asked.

"Lunch?" I was surprised. I hadn't realized how long we had talked. But now that she mentioned it, I remembered that I had never gotten any breakfast. My stomach began rumbling.

"Don't worry," she said, misinterpreting my hesitation, "despite what Jinpei would have you believe, I _can_ actually make a sandwich."

"Sure." I smiled. "That sounds great."

It was there, in the kitchen of the Snack J, making sandwiches, that it occurred to me that these mundane tasks were suddenly fun. That the very act of doing them with Jun _made_ them fun. And this was only reinforced as we spent the afternoon making the beds and cleaning up around Jun and Jinpei's apartment.

I was doing housework, and having the time of my life.

88888

At that time, I hadn't realized what I was getting myself into. Not only were things more fun with Jun around, but it eventually got so that I couldn't _truly_ have fun without her around.

I stared again at the sleeping Swan, wishing with all of my heart that we were free to be together.


	9. And it's feeling so nice

_**And I'm feeling so nice**_

The more Jun's breathing and color deepened, the more I relaxed. I was actually starting to enjoy the opportunity just to look at her up close. Normally, she would be aware of such scrutiny, and I wouldn't be able to examine her for more than a few seconds. But now…

I found that I loved the way her face relaxed while she slept, her lips slightly parted, as if she were waiting for a lover's kiss…

Was she dreaming of me? I hoped so. But then, I found it unlikely. I had never really given Jun cause to think that anything might happen between us, aside from that New Year's kiss, and that was easily explained away as a holiday tradition. Still, I found myself thinking about kissing traditions, and visions of mistletoe danced through my head. Maybe next Christmas…

"Ken, we're approaching the Crescent Coral Base." Joe's voice came through my bracelet. "How's Jun doing?"

"Pretty well." I replied. "She was awake briefly, but she's asleep now. Her color has improved too."

"The Kid has been bugging me. Can he come in now?" Joe asked.

I appreciated what Joe had done for me. I realized that Jinpei had likely been pestering him non-stop since he had returned to the Bridge.

"Yeah… and… thanks, Joe."

"Sure." Joe responded, before ending the communication.

Barely two seconds later, the Swallow burst into the room.

"How's she doing, Aniki?" he asked worriedly.

"She's going to be just fine, Jinpei." I assured him. "And please keep your voice down. She's sleeping."

But it was too late. The Swan's eyelids were fluttering, and she opened them to look upon her little brother.

"Jinpei…" she said weakly.

"Onechan!" the boy said excitedly, bounding up to Jun. "I'm glad you're awake! You looked pretty bad when Aniki brought you back."

"I'm a tough bird." she joked.

"Just like the one you cooked last Thanksgiving!" Jinpei quipped.

I knew that Jun wasn't really feeling back up to speed, because she just smiled slightly instead of pretending to smack Jinpei for his insult. The Swallow obviously realized this as well, because his manner was instantly more subdued.

"Don't worry, Onechan." he said. "I'm going to take good care of you. You can stay in bed all day, and I'll make you hot chocolate, just the way you like it!"

"Thanks, Jinpei." Jun sighed. I could see that this was costing her a lot of effort.

"Maybe we should let Jun sleep some more." I offered, standing up to leave.

"That's okay…" Jun mumbled, but it was obvious she was having a hard time keeping her eyes open.

"You can go, Aniki." Jinpei said. "I'm going to stay with Onechan for as long as she needs me."

Jun smiled softly, then closed her eyes. Within moments she was asleep again.

I stood in the doorway, watching the pair. Not realizing that I was still there, Jinpei held Jun's hand, and laid his head down on her chest, wrapping his other scrawny arm about her waist.

I envied him that: the ability to just act on his emotions, and reach out for his sister, and show his concern for her. I was too wrapped up in myself, and how my actions would be interpreted, to offer the simple kindnesses that Jinpei demonstrated with ease.

Perhaps it was for the best that I was unable to act on my feelings.

Still, the mere thought of Jun made me smile. No matter where I was, or what I was doing, there was a warm glow inside of me when I just pictured her face, or remembered the times that we had shared.

Was that enough for me to exist on?

I supposed that it would have to be.


	10. There is nowhere better than here with

_**There is nowhere better than here with you**_

The God Phoenix shuddered slightly, and from experience I knew that the sensation meant that we had just docked inside of the Crescent Coral Base. I was still standing in the doorway, and Jinpei was startled when he looked up to see me.

"Uh… Aniki… have you been here the whole time?" he asked, embarrassed.

"No." I lied, wanting him to feel more comfortable. "I just got back."

"Okay." the Swallow said, looking a little more at ease.

"I'll take Jun." I offered, bending down to lift her in my arms. I tried to be as gentle as I could, but when I put my arm under her neck her eyes opened and she smiled at me.

"Ken…" she whispered, "you really _are_ here…"

For a moment, my heart was doing somersaults. She _had_ been dreaming about me.

"Yes, and we're going to get you some help." I replied, pretending that her words hadn't gotten to me.

Jun leaned her head on my chest as I lifted her, blanket and all, to take her from the God Phoenix. It somehow felt _right_, having her there, cuddled against my body, with an expression of contentment on her face.

Despite the circumstances, there was nowhere else I wanted to be but there, with the Swan in my arms. I tightened my grip around her, feeling her body press against mine even through the silvery blanket wrapped around her.

I walked out the Bridge, with Jinpei following behind, standing on the elevation platform and then flying off of the top of the ship to land on the floor of the Docking Bay. Joe and Ryu were already there with Dr. Nambu.

"How is she doing?" he asked, concerned for Jun's welfare.

"Her body temperature was at 31.2 degrees." Joe reported, "I put the heating blanket on her, to bring it slowly back up to normal."

"Her color has gotten better." I told the Doctor. "She's been awake and has talked to us briefly. But she seems very tired." I looked down at the Swan in my arms. She was asleep again.

"Let's bring her to the Medical Facilities." Nambu said, indicating that I should walk with him. "The fact that she's conscious, but sleeping, is a good sign. Her body is trying to heal itself. I'll just have the doctors examine her, to make sure that everything is fine."

I forced my face to remain stoic, as if I were simply showing the concern of a Commander for a subordinate who had been injured in action.

"How did this happen?" the Doctor asked.

"We were on the scorpion mecha just before the charges detonated. Jun pushed me out of the way of the blast, and then I lost track of her during the explosion." I explained. "It took me some time to locate her afterward, and when I did she was buried in the snow. I'm guessing that the force of the explosion threw her onto the mountainside, and then she was covered with a small avalanche."

"It's a good thing that you found her when you did." Nambu said gravely. "The human body cannot withstand a much lower internal temperature than 31 degrees."

We entered the Medical Facilities, Joe, Jinpei, and Ryu trailing behind us. I laid Jun down as gently as I could on the gurney provided, but the moment my hands left her body she began convulsing.

"She's going into cardiac arrest!" a doctor cried, pushing me out of the way with a defibrillator in his hands. The blanket was torn off of her body, and the electric plates pressed to her chest.

"Clear!" the doctor yelled, and Jun's body leapt up off of the gurney as the electrical surge passed through her body. She took a deep breath, then relaxed to normal.

"Thank goodness these things work as you said they would." the doctor turned to Hakase. "I would never have expected that they would operate through the Birdstyle."

"I'm just grateful that I designed them that way." replied Dr. Nambu. His voice was calm, but he was wiping beads of sweat from his forehead with his handkerchief.

"Let's get her into the ER." the doctor ordered his assistants. He glanced briefly at the rest of us.

"I'll let you know of our results as soon as I can."

I sank slowly to a chair, unconsciously de-transmuting as I did so. When Jun had been convulsing like that, I had felt as if my heart were stopping as well. And a strange sense of guilt lingered with me… it was as if by letting her go, I had caused her heart to stop.

And I _had_ let her go… not just then, but earlier, in the Medical Bay, when I had released her hand the moment she had awoken. And emotionally, I had been trying to let go of Jun for a long time…

It suddenly occurred to me that keeping my distance was hurting her just as much as it was hurting me.

The truth was, wherever Jun was, was where I wanted to be. Every time I left her, I felt as if I were leaving something previous behind.

Only now, she was leaving _me_.

And it was all my fault.


	11. And it's feeling so nice 2

_**And it's feeling so nice**_

I'm not sure how long we sat there in the waiting room, but after a little while Hakase got up and returned to his office, after ensuring that the Medical Staff knew he could be reached there at a moment's notice. I had been in and out of the examination rooms myself, where they confirmed that I had torn the ligaments in my right knee for the fourth time. It was only a small amount of damage, but I was warned that if it happened again I'd need surgery, and I'd be out of commission for as much as two weeks. That was something I didn't want to contemplate.

Still, in comparison to what could be happening with Jun, it was only a minor issue. Ryu, Joe, and I remained silent, all of us slouched in the hard plastic chairs, holding Styrofoam cups of cold coffee as we waited. The Swallow was sitting on the floor against the wall, his knees at his chest and his head buried in his arms. It suddenly occurred to me that at times like these, he usually sat with Jun. She would embrace Jinpei, silently communicating that everything would be all right, and that they still had each other.

But there was no one to do that for the boy now.

I hadn't thought about it much, but Jinpei really was still just a kid. He needed Jun more than any of us truly realized. He called her 'Onechan', but she was really the only kind of mother he had ever known. When I had seen him embracing her in the Medical Bay, it was something of a surprise, but if I had just thought about things, it wouldn't have been.

Jinpei was too embarrassed to admit his need for affection in front of the rest of the 'guys'. At eleven years old, he was supposed to be beyond such things. It was only when he was with Jun that he could satisfy those needs… most importantly, the need to feel loved.

But then, I was eighteen, and I had those same needs. The difference was that I had learned to repress them, and they were tearing me up inside. At least Jinpei was finding a healthy way to deal with his emotions, which was more than I could say for the rest of us.

The doctor came out into the waiting area, and we all jumped to our feet.

"What's happening, Doctor?" I asked quickly. I was desperate for good news. We all were.

"We've been able to raise the Swan's body temperature back over 35 degrees." the doctor reported, smiling. "The arrhythmia she was experiencing seems to be gone. Still, we'd like to keep her for the rest of the night for observation."

I glanced up at the clock on the wall, which showed that it was nearly three am. I hadn't realized how late it had gotten.

"She would like to see you all." the doctor informed us. "But please, only two at a time."

"I'll take the Kid in first." Ryu said, trying to hold back a jubilant Jinpei.

"Is that okay with you two?" the Owl asked Joe and myself.

"Yeah, go ahead." Joe waved him on. "Jinpei should see her first."

When they left, I collapsed into a chair again, sighing with relief.

"So, _now_ are you going to tell her?" Joe asked me.

"Tell her what?" I asked, instinctively attempting to deny my feelings.

"You're a damn fool, Ken." Joe rolled his eyes at me, turning away.

"You're right." I said quietly.

"Well there's a first." Joe smirked. "The great Gatchaman admits that sometimes I'm right. I think that will make the eleven o'clock news."

I snorted at his response.

"We don't know how long we have, in this job." Joe pointed out. "You've got to make the most of what you do have. Live for the moment. God knows, if I found someone like Jun…"

"Someone like Jun?" I found myself sitting straight up.

"You're so wrapped up in yourself that you can't see what's under your nose." Joe lectured me. I was feeling so guilt-ridden that I let him do it, subconsciously feeling that I deserved his condescending attitude.

"So what's under my nose?" I asked him.

"Only the most incredible, beautiful…" Joe stopped for a second, staring me in the eye. "You know that Ryu and I would be there for her in a second, if there were so much as a _hint_ that she wanted either of us."

"What?" I sputtered.

"You _don't_ know." Joe sighed in frustration, running his hands through his messy hair. "Look, Ken, we all know that Jun wants you. Why, I have no idea. Perhaps she's into misery and self-pity. And it's pretty obvious that you have feelings for her. Yet you're too full of yourself to act on them."

"Full of myself?" I snapped. Even my guilty conscience found this too much to bear. "Where do you get off saying that? You're the one who thinks he's a law unto himself!"

"I know enough to do what I want to do." Joe said stonily. "I don't let some stupid sense of propriety hold me back. When I die, I don't want to regret what I did with my life."

"You make it sound like you're going to die tomorrow." I scoffed.

"We don't know, do we?" Joe stated, looking me straight in the eye. "You and Jun both nearly died today. One of these days, someone on the team isn't going to be so lucky. It might even be me."

I was forced to acknowledge that he was right. Joe made everything seem so simple. But was it really? Could I ignore the potential disaster in what I did and just live for the moment?

That wasn't the kind of thing a leader did. It was all well and good for Joe, who didn't have to bear the burden of command, but a leader had to be more farsighted than that.

Joe regarded my silent turmoil.

"Look, Ken," he said, "if you admitted to Jun how you felt about her, what's the worst thing that could happen?"

"Katse could find out." I blurted. I hadn't meant to confess such a thing, but there it was, out in the open.

"He could target her… to get to me." I explained. "She might die…"

"You mean, like she almost died today?" Joe raised an eyebrow.

Damn, he had a point.

"Jun would be willing to die for you without a moment's hesitation." Joe stated. "We're _all_ being targeted by Galactor. I don't think that's going to change anytime soon."

"But, what about me?" I asked. "Suppose I hold her back, not letting her…"

Joe laughed, and the sound seemed incongruous with the serious tone of our conversation.

"Ken, have you _ever_ known Jun to sit back when she was needed?" Joe asked, still grinning. "What do you think sent her after those damn killer flowers?"

Just then, Ryu and Jinpei returned.

"It's your turn." Ryu informed us. "They asked us to be quick. I guess Jun needs to get back to sleep."

"She looks great!" Jinpei grinned. "And she can stay awake longer now!"

"That's terrific, Jinpei." I told him, clasping his shoulder. The Swallow's good mood was infectious, and I found myself smiling as well.

"Let's go, Ken." Joe said, hooking his thumb toward the entrance to the private rooms.

"Yeah." I said, following the Condor into the hallway and the room to which the Medical Staff directed us.

"Joe!" Jun said, sitting up in bed as we came in. She was wearing a hospital gown underneath a thick blanket wrapped around her shoulders, and was propped up against a number of pillows.

"Hi, Junie." Joe said, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. "I'm glad to see that you're feeling better."

"Much." she smiled, then turned to look at me.

"Ken." she said, her eyes sparkling. "It's good to see you."

"Same here." I replied, suddenly uncertain of myself. "I'm happy to see that you're okay."

"I glad that _you're_ okay." she responded. "I was afraid that I had done _too_ good a job setting those charges."

"You made sure that I was okay." I pointed out. "You pushed me out of the way…"

"Isn't that my job?" she smiled. "To lay down my life for the mighty Gatchaman?"

Her joke hit uncomfortably close to the conversation Joe and I had just had in the waiting room, and I know my face suddenly turned red.

"Well, I'm getting kind of tired." Joe said, moving toward the door even as he pushed me closer to the bed. "It's great to see you smiling again Jun. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye, Joe." Jun smiled, giving him a small wave.

The Condor walked out the door, leaving me alone with the Swan. Joe had never been one for subtlety, and I wasn't entirely sure I appreciated his approach at that moment.

"I was really worried about you." I said, sitting awkwardly on the edge of the bed.

"I know." Jun nodded. "I could see it on your face when I woke up in the Medical Bay."

"You could?" I was surprised. Was I really that transparent?

"I can tell." Jun smiled. "You try to hide a lot of things, and it works with someone who doesn't know you very well, but over the years I've come to recognize your expressions."

What _else_ did Jun know about me? Was she aware of how I felt about her?

"I… I didn't realize." I said quietly, looking at my hands in my lap.

"Don't worry, Ken." Jun laughed, placing her hand over mine. "I don't know all of your deep dark secrets. It's just that sometimes, I can tell what you're thinking. That's all."

Joe had been right. Jun was incredible. It was amazing the way she saw right through me.

But, how much did she see?

"I'm just glad that you're going to be fine." I said, desperately trying to change the subject. "It wouldn't be the same without you on the team."

I looked up, staring into her eyes, almost instantly realizing my mistake.

Hadn't Jun just told me that she could see what I was thinking?

I knew there was a naked longing on my face, a sense of desperation at the thought of losing her.

"Oh, Ken," she sighed, reaching out to me, "I'm not going anywhere."

I didn't protest as she drew me into her arms. In fact, I clung to her, my head resting on her chest, just as hers had rested on mine a few hours before. The emotional and physical exhaustion I was feeling overwhelmed me, and I let myself enjoy this feeling of closeness with Jun.

It was nice, this physical proximity. I shifted slightly and we were holding each other, my legs stretched out on the bed next to hers. Jun had always found her way into my arms when she was emotionally distressed, and now I finally understood why. I had never realized what a source of peace it could be, simply to be held by someone you cared about.

Someone you loved.

We didn't speak. We simply lay there, in each other's arms, and I let Jun's presence soak into my body. At that moment, nothing could have torn me away from her embrace. It was as if I had at last found the place I had always been meant to be.


	12. Staying up with the moon

_**Staying up with the moon**_

My eyes jerked open two hours later when I felt an unexpected touch on my shoulder. I think I scared the poor nurse half to death as I leapt from the bed, Birdrang at the ready. It's an occupational hazard I guess; anything unexpected, particularly when I'm sleeping, causes me to revert to Eagle-mode, and I jerked myself back to reality as if Galactor were surrounding my position.

The nurse shrank away from me, stammering an apology and stating that I had to leave, as visiting hours were long since over. I placed my weapon back in my pocket, an embarrassed look on my face as I departed. Jun hadn't awoken during the brief scene (an indication of how exhausted she was, I guess) so I didn't even have a chance to say goodbye to her.

I stumbled back to my own quarters, half expecting to drop dead as soon as my head hit the pillow. But instead, I found that sleep was elusive. Somehow, I couldn't grasp the indefinable peace that I had found so easily in Jun's arms. Visions of her whirled around inside my head: Jun laughing, Jun dancing, Jun in civvies, Jun in her Birdstyle, Jun at the Snack J, Jun on the Bridge of the God Phoenix… Jun frozen and buried in the snow, her skin a dull grayish-white…

My shoulders heaved, and I sat up in bed, finally giving in to the desperation and sorrow that had been plaguing me for the last twelve hours. I buried my face in my hands, unwilling to admit, even to myself, that I was crying. It was weak to cry… and yet, somehow, I felt that Jun _deserved_ my tears. The emotional upheaval I had been through was such an expression of sadness.

By the time I finally fell asleep, I could already see the sunlight filtering through the ocean waters outside my window.

88888

When I finally awoke, it was mid-afternoon and my stomach was rumbling. I decided to head to the cafeteria to get something to eat, before attempting to visit Jun again.

To my surprise, Joe was sitting alone in the corner, a half-eaten plate of French fries in front of him.

"What's up?" I asked, sinking into a seat across the table from him.

"Where have _you_ been?" Joe asked, grim-faced.

"Sleeping." I replied. "I was up all night, and crashed until just now."

"Well, they let Jun out of the Medical Facilities," Joe informed me, "which you would have known if you had been there for her release, like the rest of us."

"I didn't know…" I felt a brief stab of remorse.

"She and Jinpei went back to the Snack J for the night. I guess they're going to try to open up tomorrow, if we don't get called to duty."

"That sounds good." I said, stealing one of Joe's fries. "It'll be fun to hang out at the Snack again. It's been awhile since they opened it."

"Who said you could have that?" The Condor's hand was grasping my wrist, and I was caught in the act of stealing another fry.

"Oh, sorry." I apologized. "I was hungry… I should have asked."

"Damn straight." Joe growled. "But typical. You're only thinking of yourself Ken."

"Going a bit overboard for a couple of fries, don't you think?" I asked him. It was obvious to me that this was about a lot more, but I wanted Joe to bring up the subject. He didn't fail to do so.

"How could you have missed Jun's release?" he asked, scowling. "She was looking for you."

"She was?" I couldn't keep a slight note of excitement from my voice.

"She seemed to expect that you would be there." Joe accused me. "And she was pretty disappointed to discover that you weren't."

"I… I sat with her, until she fell asleep," I tried to explain, "but then the nurse kicked me out. She was still sleeping, and I couldn't say goodbye…"

"Well, you need to tell her that." Joe leaned back, his arms crossed. "I'm guessing she was upset to find you gone when she woke up."

"You're being awfully protective of Jun." I pointed out. "What's going on here, Joe?"

"What's going on is that I'm fed up with your half-assed, selfish attitude when it comes to Jun." Joe said bluntly. "I'm only guessing here, but I suspect you didn't tell her last night how you felt, even though I thought I might actually have pushed you hard enough."

"I… I didn't get a chance." I defended myself. "She fell asleep."

"Right." Joe's response was skeptical. I began squirming in my seat. I wasn't used to being in this kind of position with Joe. Usually I was in control, at least of my own reactions, and I was able to stand up to his cocky, know-it-all behavior.

The problem was, in this case, he was on the moral high ground, and we both knew it.

"Look, Ken, I'm going to lay it on the line for you." Joe said. "I'm sick of seeing the way you treat her. If you don't wise up, and _fast_, someone else is going to show her what she's missing."

"And you think _you're_ that someone else?" I accused.

"I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to."

Now it was Joe's turn to squirm. Much as I hated what I was saying, a small part of me thrilled in returning to my usual, more confident, role in our altercation.

"Look, I already told you last night," Joe growled, "if I thought there was a chance she'd have me…"

"Is there?" I interrupted, suddenly afraid.

"Not as far as I know."

Inwardly, I sighed with relief. That selfish part of me needed to know that Jun wasn't interested in another man. Of course, I wasn't actually sure that she was interested in _me_ either, but as long as there was no one else I stood a chance.

Did I want that chance?

"But she's not going to be hung up on your forever." Joe pointed out. "She might be gone sooner than you think."

But in my arrogance, I didn't believe him. Sure, I had never admitted anything to Jun, but she wouldn't ever seriously be interested in anyone else…

Would she?

88888

I did take one piece of Joe's advice to heart. After grabbing a quick bite to eat I returned to my quarters, activating my bracelet and contacting Jun.

"G3… you there?" I asked.

"Hi…" Jun sounded surprised, but not entirely displeased, to hear from me.

"I'm sorry I missed your release this morning." I said. "The night nurse kicked me out while you were sleeping, and then I went back to my quarters and crashed. I just woke up an hour ago, and found out that you'd gone back to your place."

"Yeah, I was thinking we should try to open up tomorrow night." Jun informed me.

"Sounds great. You guys haven't been open in awhile, since we've been so busy."

"So, I'll see you there?" she asked.

"Yeah." I smiled to myself. I loved to watch Jun work. Even when she was busy, Jun was happy at the Snack J. I could never take my eyes off of her as she bustled around, filling drink orders and serving customers, dancing when she got a break.

"Okay. See you then." Jun ended the communication.

I was already looking forward to it.

88888

The next night I found myself sitting with Joe and Ryu in one of the Snack J booths, watching the crowd. Quite a few people had shown up, mostly college kids, and while the place wasn't packed, it looked like Jun and Jinpei might actually turn a profit that night.

A couple of girls at the bar were glancing our way, but Joe quickly dismissed them as 'mattresses with hair'.

"I didn't know you were so picky, Joe." Ryu laughed.

"I'm not looking for the Clap, man." Joe replied. "Can you imagine what Nambu would say if I showed up with _that_ particular affliction?"

I had to pull back to avoid the spray of beer emitting from Ryu's mouth.

"Nice…" I muttered sarcastically, rubbing at my arm with a napkin.

In the brief conversational lull, I heard the guys in the booth behind me talking.

"What do you think of that one?"

"Naw… she looks uptight. How about her?"

"Please. She's been with more guys than a Sealy."

"So? Sounds good to me."

"Trust me, don't go there."

It appeared that they were having a similar conversation. What was it about guys and a few beers that brought this out in us?

"What about that girl behind the bar?"

"The looker with the dark hair? She owns the place."

"So? I'll bet she's interested in a good time."

"I don't know… I've been here a bunch of times, and I've never seen her with anyone."

"Have you ever asked her?"

"No…"

"So, I could talk to her. Maybe she's looking for some action."

"Why do you think she has a number three on her shirt?"

"Maybe she's into threesomes."

"Yeah… sounds like fun…"

I knew that my face was burning, and I could feel my fists clenching involuntarily. Joe slouched in his seat, grinning at me with that 'I told you so' look he loved to wear. Ryu appeared not to notice what was going on, as he was still involved in cleaning beer off of the table.

I moved to rise, but Joe grabbed my arm.

"Relax, Ken." he said. "They're full of hot air. I'm willing to bet that they're too chicken to approach her."

Reluctantly, I settled back into my seat, but kept an eye on the guys. It appeared that Joe was right, because after a few more beers, and a lot of talk, they headed out the door, by themselves.

I was kicking myself. Joe had been right. Those guys had obviously been losers: Jun would never have been interested in them. But it brought home the point that other guys saw her as something special too.

And one day, one of them might do something about it.

After last call, the customers disappeared pretty quickly, and Jinpei rushed to finish his assigned task of washing the dirty glasses and plates as fast as he could.

"Now, can I go, Onechan?" he whined.

"Okay." Jun sighed. "I guess I can finish up by myself." She rolled her eyes at him.

"Great! Come on Ryu," he tugged the Owl's arm, "before she changes her mind! I'm gonna whip your butt so bad!"

"Hey, _no one_ challenges _my_ high score!" Ryu protested, letting himself be dragged up the stairs.

Jun shook her head in a display of mock disappointment, bringing a stack of plates back into the kitchen.

"I'll see you later, Ken." Joe said, moving to leave.

"Where are you going?" I asked him. "Jun could use some help cleaning up!"

"I think you can give her all the help she needs, Ken." Joe said, his face serious. The Condor took a couple of steps toward the door, then stopped and turned around to look at me again.

"Don't blow it, Ken." was all he said, before walking out into the moonlit night.

I could hear Jun putting things away in the kitchen, so I helped out by stacking the clean glasses underneath the bar and wiping down the booths.

I stopped for a moment, as I heard something I hadn't expected from the kitchen.

Jun was humming.

It was something I wasn't used to hearing. Sometimes she would sing or hum along to her guitar, but she hadn't played it in awhile, and I had never heard her singing without the instrument.

I recognized the song as one of the Demon Five's hits. How could I not know it when Jun played it on the jukebox every night? I looked over at the machine, now silent, and got an idea.

I would play it for her.

She would hear it, and know that I had been thinking about her.

Pleased with my stroke of brilliance, I walked over to the jukebox, inserted a quarter, and began looking for the song on the listings.

Just then the lights turned off. I was so startled that my hand came down on the jukebox pad, and I could hear the machine whirring as it searched for my unintended song choice.

"Ken!" said Jun, startled. "I didn't know you were still here. I thought you had gone home." 

The room was now only lit by a dim glow from the jukebox, but my eyes adjusted quickly and I saw Jun standing next to the kitchen, her hand still on the light switch.

"I was waiting for you." I explained, feeling somewhat embarrassed.

Just then, my humiliation increased tenfold, as the jukebox found the song I had 'selected'. It was a soft, romantic song, obviously meant for lovers.

"Oh…" Jun said, sounding a little confused. My cheeks burned, but I decided that I had to try to tell her how I felt about her. I had let things go on long enough.

"Would you…" I took a deep breath. "Would you like to dance?"

Jun seemed surprised, but she smiled, lowering her head slightly.

"Sure…"

I think I was as taken aback by her answer as she had been by my question. Hesitantly, she moved across the room toward me, and the dance floor. I held my breath, barely able to believe that this was actually happening.

Jun moved closer, and I could see her pulse beating in the hollow of her throat. I stepped toward her as well, opening my arms a bit, desperately hoping that I didn't look as awkward as I felt.

The moonlight came through the window, casting a silvery sheen on Jun's hair. Her skin glowed, and it was almost as if I were with some delicate ethereal creature, who would run at the first hint of danger.

Of course, Jun was far from delicate, but the same couldn't be said for my confidence. I needed to keep this magical moment going, lest I lose my nerve again, as I had so many times before. Carefully, I reached out, brushing the edge of her waist with my fingertips.

It was as if a spark of electricity passed between us. I had touched Jun many times before, but somehow, this was different, and we both knew it. Jun lifted her gaze, staring at me in wonderment, as if she were afraid that she was dreaming.

I knew exactly how she felt.

Gently, I pulled Jun closer to me, moving her body next to mine. She glided across the remaining few inches that separated us, her form fitting itself to mine as if she had been designed to fit within the curve of my arms.

Perhaps she had.

The silvery moonlight spilled across the dance floor, surrounding the two of us with a gentle nimbus. Tenderly I placed my hands on Jun's back, and her arms slipped up and around my neck. Our bodies swayed in time to the music.

I had always felt that Jun loved me… as a friend. It had often crossed my mind that she might be interested in something more, but since I was afraid to explore that subject myself, I had never dwelled on it, afraid of what I might discover. If I knew that she loved me too, then I would have a nearly impossible time holding back from her. If, on the other hand, she wasn't interested in me that way… I didn't want to contemplate the deep depression that I would experience if that were the case.

But now, she looked up at me, and I _knew_…

I knew that the feelings I had for Jun were reflected back at me from within her eyes.

She smiled at me, closed her eyes, and rested her head on my chest. I found my arms tightening around her, my heart pounding within me. I wondered if she could hear it beating faster and faster, the longer she remained in my embrace.

Part of me was screaming that this could only end up one way… that I was going to be forced to reveal my feelings to Jun. But suddenly, I found that I didn't care.

I _wanted_ her to know that I loved her. I longed to hear her say the same thing back to me, and to know that I didn't have to be alone any more.

"Jun…" I whispered, burying my face in her hair. The sweet scent of jasmine filled my nostrils, setting my blood on fire as the woman in my arms overwhelmed all of my senses, one by one.

The light of the moon washed over us, etching our bodies in a white glow, as if we were being purified. It seemed as if all of my past mistakes were being burned away, leaving only my deep emotional response to the woman I embraced.

"Jun, I…"

She looked up at me, her eyes questioning, an aura of happiness about her.

"What is it, Ken?" she asked softly.

Gently, I reached a single finger out to touch her face. Her cheek felt satiny smooth, and I traced the line of her jaw, brushing my fingertip across her lips. I wanted desperately to kiss her, but I had to speak first.

"There's something I want you to know." I said. "I…"

"Hey, Onechan, you've got to see my high score!"

The lights glared on even as Jun and I pulled apart. Jinpei looked over at us, surprised.

"Aniki, are you still here? I thought you left awhile ago."

"Uh… I was helping Jun clean up." I mumbled, looking down at my feet.

"What was that about your high score, Jinpei?" Jun asked, moving away from me.

"I beat Ryu!" the boy crowed. "Come see!"

"I will…" Jun looked back at me, her face full of questions.

"I… I guess I should go." I said, turning away so that neither of them could see that my cheeks now matched the color of my t-shirt.

"If that's what you want, Ken." Jun said.

"I…" How could I tell her that what I wanted was to live the last two minutes over again, this time _without_ the Swallow interrupting us? She didn't seem too disappointed with Jinpei's appearance. Maybe it was just as well I hadn't actually said anything.

"I'll see you tomorrow." I said, moving toward the door.

"Okay." she said hesitantly, her eyes attempting to search my face for hidden meaning. But I had taken her comments yesterday to heart, and had closed off my emotions, preventing her from seeing how torn up I was inside.

The door to the Snack J closed behind me, and I could hear the lock turning.

I was alone.

Only, I wasn't entirely sure that was what I truly wanted, anymore.


	13. And walking home in the rain

_**And walking home in the rain**_

I was less than two blocks away from the Snack when it began to rain. I guess Mother Nature was upset with me for not telling Jun how I felt about her. But how could I do that with Jinpei there?

Or with Jun falling asleep?

Or when I didn't know how Jun would react?

It occurred to me that I had a lot of excuses. I had certainly had a lot of practice justifying my reluctance to admit my feelings to her.

The rain continued to fall, creating a numb, clammy feeling as it penetrated my t-shirt, causing the thin garment to stick to my body. Since there wasn't much else I could do, I continued walking back to the airfield, thinking back to those few moments in the Snack J, when I had held Jun in my arms. I had been determined to tell her, but the moment Jinpei had shown up, I had lost my nerve.

Why couldn't I just say what I needed to say, and be done with it? Why was I always holding back?

I was tired of this back and forth within my own mind, sometimes pushing Jun away, at other times longing to pull her closer. No wonder I wasn't certain how she felt… I had sent her so many mixed signals she probably didn't know herself.

But she _had_ felt the same way… less than an hour ago, as we had danced…

I had had such a strong compulsion to tell her, at that moment, and yet, it had been fragile enough to be swept away the moment Jinpei had appeared.

I shivered in my soaking clothes, recalling the warmth and coziness of the Snack J.


	14. Mixed with your perfume

_**Mixed with your perfume**_

The song from the jukebox went through my head, the romantic feeling it evoked washing over me with the rain. In my mind I brought myself back to the bar, my body pressed against Jun, swaying with hers on the dance floor. I breathed deeply, smelling the jasmine scent of her hair.

I could feel Jun in my arms, sense the blood pounding through my veins… Physically I was walking home in the rain, but in my mind I was at the Snack J, touching Jun's lips with my finger and desperately wanting to kiss her…

What would have happened if I had kissed her? What if Jinpei hadn't interrupted us?

I would have told her how I felt. I had been about to say it. It had been on the tip of my tongue.

All it would have taken was four words…

_I love you, Jun…_

What would she have said if I had told her that?

I imagined Jun's face, smiling in response, her lips carefully forming her reply…

_I love you too, Ken…_

Then I would smile, and brush my mouth against hers, kissing her… for real this time, not like at New Year's. I could almost feel her silken skin in my hand as I cupped her cheek, and my body hardened at the thought of her pressing against me, her soft breasts being crushed against my chest…

A cold splash of water over my foot brought me back to reality. I hadn't been watching where I was going, and I had stepped into a puddle. A slimy wetness began dripping down into my shoes… the only part of me that had so far remained dry.

The unpleasant feeling was like a wakeup call. I had been so busy imagining how nice it could be if I admitted my feelings to Jun, that I had forgotten how terrible it could be.

A cold shiver ran down my spine as an image of Berg Katse rose up in my mind.

I had always scoffed at the idea of a nemesis… it seemed like a ploy for cheap novels, or Hollywood movies. But at the same time, if such a thing really were to exist, I supposed that Berg Katse and I fit the bill.

I couldn't count the number of times that we had each thought that we had defeated the other, only to return to our constant stalemate. No matter how many Galactor bases or mecha the Science Ninja Team destroyed, the reality was that the ISO still had no idea where Galactor Headquarters was, or knew much about this mysterious Leader X figure. And somehow, no matter what precautions we took, Berg Katse always managed to slip from my grasp. The mere thought of his Devilstar escape pod was enough to make me want to smash my fist into the wall.

Much as I hated to admit it, Berg Katse and I had a lot in common. We were both leaders, hiding our respective identities from the world, each of us having our own agenda to pursue. But the one defining difference between us was the moral code that governed our actions. Katse, it appeared, didn't have one, while I most definitely did. There were things I knew that I could never do, no matter how angry I was. But Berg Katse had no such compunctions.

If Katse knew that Jun and I… my throat constricted at the thought. There had been times before, when we had been captured. I remembered one occasion when I had been overcome with gas, while attempting to rescue Ryu from an underwater Galactor base. Katse had captured me, and spent hours torturing me for his own amusement. At the time I had wondered why he hadn't just taken off my mask and killed me, but slowly, I had realized that his warped mind didn't work that way. He had been so convinced of his victory over me that he hadn't conceived that I could escape. And at the time, he was right: I was his prisoner for two days, and might have been for longer had Ryu not been able to break out of his cell and help me destroy the base.

Katse had wanted to enjoy himself… lording it over me, threatening to reveal my identity, saving the pleasure of killing me until the end… he had only intended to kill me after he had broken me. He told his soldiers that I would never reveal any information, and should just be executed, but it had never been his intention to get me to reveal anything.

He had only wanted to break me.

In a way, it was a good thing that I had gone through those terrible days, because they had given me an insight into the Galactor Leader's level of insanity that I might not otherwise have had. Physical torture was only the beginning for Katse. He had whispered in my ear of what he really wanted to do with me, once he had stripped me of my uniform and revealed my identity.

The mere thought of what he suggested had had my mind screaming in terror, and yet I had known that Katse wouldn't hesitate to treat me in that fashion, to degrade and abuse me, showing his power over me to his men, and to the world.

If he ever captured the Swan…

If he knew what she truly meant to me…

My mind reeled, and I felt nauseous at the thought of Berg Katse doing to Jun what he had promised to do to me. She could deal with the physical torture, she was ready to give her life in the fight against Galactor, but was she truly ready to sacrifice her innocence, her peace of mind, her dignity…?

Even more, was I ready to live with the knowledge that I had been the cause of such torment?

It suddenly occurred to me that I didn't even know whether or not Jun was a virgin. She had had a relationship with Koji, but that had been so long ago, and so brief… She could be completely unprepared for the horrors that Berg Katse could unleash upon her.

I couldn't be the cause of that. I would never be able to live with myself.


	15. And never twice the same

_**And never twice the same**_

Not for the first time, I wished that I had never let myself develop these feelings for Jun. At first, I hadn't quite realized what was happening, but later, I had known.

I had made a conscious choice.

Obviously, I had known that I could never make her aware of my feelings while the war with Galactor was still being fought. But I was so cocky, so _arrogant_, that I felt that I could allow myself the luxury of feeling this way about her, without causing any serious harm.

The truth was, even if I didn't say anything to Jun, I still needed her. I needed someone to think of as my own, someone to love, someone whose image would chase away the lonely nightmares that so often haunted my dreams.

I needed someone to fight _for_.

It's all well and good to say that I'm fighting for all of those innocent civilians out there, but honestly, I'm not that noble. Sure, I feel terrible when I see Galactor's victims, particularly those who are unable to defend themselves. But thinking of random, faceless people doesn't inspire me. Those citizens are not the reason I wear this uniform, or the reason I lay my life on the line.

I'm doing it for _me_.

I'm doing it because _I_ want peace. I want to be able to live my life as _I_ want to, not constantly looking over my shoulder for potential threats. I'm doing it because if I can destroy Galactor, I can create a life… a _future_… for _me_.

But most of all, I'm doing it because once the war is over, I will be free to be with Jun.

It was then, soaking wet in the middle of a rainstorm, that I suddenly realized how self-centered I had been. I couldn't believe the selfishness I had been wallowing in for the last couple of days. I had been allowing myself to seriously consider telling Jun how I felt. Nothing could put her in more danger.

If I could have done everything over again, at that moment, I would have chosen to have never developed these feelings for Jun. I would have chosen to live my life alone, fighting instead to avenge my father's death, or to make Dr. Nambu proud of me.

But then, if Jun were not such a big part of my life, would I have been so determined? Would I still have been alive, right then, if I hadn't been so eager to see an end to the war?

Deep inside, I knew the answer was no. I could barely think about the atrocities I had seen, and the pain the Science Ninja Team had had to go through to stay ahead of Galactor.

I cherished my feelings for Jun, and I didn't _truly_ want to give them up.

Even if it meant that I had to give _her_ up.


	16. I've got a lot to lose

_**I've got a lot to lose**_

I continued my slow trudge home, the mud squelching inside of my shoes. No matter how much I tried to bring myself back to this reality, the image of Berg Katse torturing and violating Jun wouldn't leave my mind.

I shook my head, overwhelmed with these terrible thoughts. If I were to tell Jun of my emotions, they could easily become reality. Of course, I could always tell Jun how I felt and explain the risks to her; letting her know what she would be getting herself into.

But then, when did Jun let Galactor's threats stop her from doing anything she wanted to? It was actually one of the things I admired most about her: her determined nature, and her refusal to give up, even in the face of overwhelming odds. If she wanted to be with me, she would be, regardless of the consequences.

Although… I didn't actually _know_ that Jun would want to be with me. There was every reason in the world for me to want her, but there was honestly not a lot that she might like about _me_.

Of course, I was _Gatchaman_, but for someone like Jun that didn't mean much. She wasn't the type of girl to love me for my position, and if she had been, I wouldn't have loved her. But what else did I really have to offer? Certainly I could offer no stability in her life… quite the opposite, in fact. Her life would be in more turmoil… more danger… if we were together.

I wasn't exactly smooth and debonair around Jun either. Joe always made it look so easy: talking to women and having them smiling and at ease within seconds. I usually ended up fumbling around, and more often than not found myself with nothing meaningful to say. I couldn't count the number of times Jun had bent over in her Birdstyle and turned me into a blithering idiot with a view of her white panties, while Ryu simply smirked or Joe made some witty comment.

To top it all off, I was just a mess. I had no life to speak of, and my finances were always a disaster. My tab at the Snack was a mile long, and I was generally incapable of remembering to buy the basic groceries, much less when everyone's birthday was.

Would Jun really be interested in getting together with someone like me?

If I were honest with myself, I had to wonder if Jun would really want a guy like me. It would probably be better if I never found out… at least by keeping my mouth shut, I could maintain the fantasy that we _could_ be together. And that fantasy was too integral to my peace of mind for me to give it up.


	17. But everything to gain

_**But everything to gain**_

But… what if she _did_ want to be with me? Even though I had no idea why she might, sometimes I sensed that she had the same feelings that I did… certainly an hour ago when I had asked her to dance, there had been _something_ between us.

Suppose… just suppose… we _could_ be together. That the war was over, and we were free to live our lives as we wanted. And that Jun _wanted_ to live her life with me.

I could see it now…

We are sitting on the steps of my porch, after a walk in the moonlight. The sky is clear, and we are leaning back to examine the heavens. Only, I am more interested in examining Jun's beautiful face, etched with a silvery light and shaded by the darkness.

"I can't believe that you're here, with me…" I say, in awe of her presence.

"You say that every night, Ken," Jun turns to smile at me, "and I never get tired of hearing it."

"I never get tired of saying it." I smile back, leaning down to capture her lips with mine. She tastes fresh, like the night breeze, and I feel as if I am experiencing the magic of the heavens with that one kiss.

Slowly, I pull her closer, running my fingers through her hair as she moves her body next to mine. Her hands smooth down past my shoulders and over my chest, and she laughs softly when my mouth moves along the delicate white column of her throat.

"How do you always make me feel this way, Ken?" she asks me, her eyes shining.

"Feel which way?" I want to know.

"As if it were my first time." she replies, her eyes dancing with pleasure.

"You do the same for me, Jun." I explain, unable to put into words the rush of emotion that overcomes me, just being with her.

Slowly, I stand, holding out my hand to her. She takes it in hers, gracefully rising and giving me a look that sends darts of tingling anticipation shooting through my body. Hardly daring to believe my good fortune, I lead her into my house, and upstairs to my bed.

We undress each other slowly, savoring each other with kisses, caresses and soft words, prolonging our pleasure as much as possible.

For we have all the time in the world. There is no need to rush. Tomorrow will come, and all of the other days following.

I gaze upon Jun as nature made her: perfect in every way.

"I love you, Jun." The words escape my lips without my consciously uttering them. They are simply an expression of how I feel, and I no longer have to guard against saying them.

"I love you too, Ken.' she says, wrapping her arms around me.

Carefully, I lay her on the bed, gently tracing her lush curves with my hands, worshipping her beauty with my eyes, and soon, my body.

Her soft breasts are a taste of heaven, their sweet delights more than I ever imagined. And after I pleasure her there, she cries out, asking me to fulfill her needs, even as my own desires are demanding completion.

My heart is full as she offers herself to me, and in return I give all of myself, bringing both of us to the ultimate expression of love, reveling in the knowledge that at last, we are able to share such basic, and yet such complex, acts with each other.

Afterward, she falls asleep in my arms, murmuring softly that she has never been happier.

And neither have I.

88888

If only it could truly be like that for us. I still had hope, that one day, it could.

But could that day come sooner than the end of the war? Was it possible that Jun and I could have that life, even if Galactor still threatened the peace of the world?


	18. When I really think about it

_**When I really think about it**_

I finally reached home, unlocking the door to my shack with hands trembling from the damp chill. Immediately I pulled off my clothes and laid them out to dry, then jumped into the shower.

I ran over all of the possibilities of what could happen if I told Jun that I loved her, and I was still no closer to a decision than before. Perhaps if I were able to sleep on it…

The hot water felt good as it sprayed my skin, stinging it like sharp needles, easing my mind away from the gloomy thoughts I had had that evening, leaving only the wonderful memories behind.

At this point, I only wanted to crawl into bed, savoring those memories until I finally fell asleep.

But it was not to be. I was drying myself off from the shower when my bracelet began flashing.

"G1, this is Nambu. Launch the God Phoenix!"

I acknowledged the message and then relayed it to the rest of the team, even as I pulled a spare, dry civvies uniform from my closet. I changed and ran into the hangar, boarding the Cessna and transmuting as soon as we were in the air. With the rain and the dark, it was a dangerous night to be flying, but in the G1 I felt confidence in my instruments.

Within ten minutes we had all joined up with the God Phoenix and were standing on the Bridge, receiving our briefing from Dr. Nambu.

"It would appear that the large scorpion mecha you destroyed two days ago is not the only one Galactor has." the Doctor informed us "A swarm of smaller scorpion mini-mechas have invaded the city of Cairo, in Egypt. The entire population is being held hostage inside of their homes. The scorpions are eating all surrounding crops, and poisoning the water supply. They also seem to be able to poison anyone who ventures outside, and have proven invulnerable to the attempts of the UN Forces to dislodge them."

"This reminds me of those creepy ants again!" Jun shuddered.

"As with the ants, the scorpions seem to have one united goal." Nambu concurred, "However they are not necessarily moving as a group. If you look at this long-range image I was able to pick up, you will see that there appears to be a line of scorpions approaching the city, and another line departing."

"Why are they coming and going?" I asked.

"We are not certain." the Doctor replied, rubbing the bridge of his nose underneath his glasses. He looked as if he hadn't slept in days. Knowing him as well as I did, I guessed that he probably hadn't.

"We'll stop them, Hakase." I promised him. Actually, I was almost relieved to take on this mission, as it provided me something else to think about, besides Jun.

"I pray for your success."


	19. You haven't got a clue

_**You haven't got a clue**_

But of course, there remained the problem of how to deal with these scorpions. As always, Jun was already working on it.

"I understand why new scorpions are arriving." she mused. "They have to replace the ones that are leaving. But the real question is, _why_ are they leaving?"

"They seem to have less energy." Jinpei offered.

"What do you mean?" I asked, moving to stand next to the Swallow's station.

"See?" Jinpei pointed at his monitor. "The ones in the city have high energy levels, and all of the ones leaving have low energy."

"You mean, they're running out of power?" Joe asked.

"It looks like it." I confirmed, turning back to look at the Condor. "And there's a steady stream of them departing the city."

"I think I've figured it out." Jun said quietly, her hands flying over her controls. "The scorpions seem to be powered by plutonic power cells. Those cells are extremely strong, but only for a short while. That would explain the constant cycling of mecha: they need to go back to some kind of charging station on a regular basis."

"So, how can we use this to our advantage?" I asked.

"If we could stop the stream of new scorpions, eventually they would all lose power." Joe suggested.

"That's going to take too long!" Jinpei complained. "At the rate they're coming and going, it would be days before all of them wore down!"

"Can't we just drop some Birds on them?" Ryu said.

"That would destroy the entire city, Birdbrain!" Jinpei admonished the Owl. "We're supposed to be _saving_ those people down there?"

"Jinpei's right." I said, speaking with a little more kindly tone than the Swallow had. "We need to either stop them in their tracks or lure them away from the city."

"Aren't plutonic cells notoriously unstable?" Joe said. "Could we just trigger a reaction to destroy them?"

"Again, the problem is getting them out of the city, to prevent collateral damage and harm to innocent civilians." I pointed out.

"And how do we trigger a reaction?" Ryu asked.

"I can do it." Jun said.

We all turned to look at her. I felt a surge of pride well up in me. Why was it that whenever we had an unsolvable problem, Jun was the one to come up with the answer? She was always the one I could count on to help us come up with a plan.

"If I can access the command functions for the scorpions, I can re-program them to leave the city and then overload their power cells."

"But, how can you access those codes, Onechan?" Jinpei asked. "I can't break through the scorpion's security protocols, and each unit seems like it has a different password. That's an awful lot of systems to hack!"

"You're right, Jinpei." Jun acknowledged. "In order to re-program them, I'd have to be at their command center, and enter instructions that are immediately executed by all of them at once."

"How are you going to do that, Jun?" Ryu goggled.

"She's going to break into the main Galactor base and use _their_ computer system." Joe surmised.

Jun nodded quietly in response.

My stomach clenched into knots. It was one thing for Jun to set charges in a base and get out of there before they went off. But it was another level of danger entirely for her to hack into a Galactor computer system completely undetected, and start issuing commands. It was a much longer, more complex operation, and infinitely riskier.

"How are we going to find their base?" Jinpei asked. It bothered me that he just assumed that we were going to do this; putting Jun's safety at risk.

On the other hand, it was the best suggestion we'd had so far. I sighed, reluctantly acknowledging that this was the best option available to us.

"I suggest we follow the returning scorpions." I said.

"Oh." said Jinpei sheepishly. "I guess that makes sense."

"I'm on it!" Ryu declared, maneuvering the God Phoenix away from the City.

It didn't take us long to find out where the returning mecha were headed. A few miles into the desert, they simply disappeared into a hole in the ground.

"I guess the Galactors have a re-charging station down there." Joe said. "Maybe even a full base."

"Jinpei, how long does it take the mecha to walk back here?" I asked.

"About ten minutes, Aniki." the Swallow replied. "They're fast little buggers."

"Very funny!" Ryu rolled his eyes.

"Okay, here's the plan." I declared, capturing everyone's attention.

"Joe, Jun, Jinpei and I will infiltrate the base." I began.

"Ken, I can do this on my own." Jun insisted. I could tell that she was angry with the presumption that she was unable to handle the task by herself.

"I'm sure you can," I said, explaining myself, "but I'm not going to risk your safety for no good reason. Suppose there's a problem? It's going to take awhile for you to do this."

Jun looked up, apparently shocked by my level of concern. She didn't have a clue how difficult it was for me to let her go on this mission at all. I had almost lost her two days ago, and I wasn't about to put her in jeopardy again, without my being there to protect her.

"Ken, I…" Jun started to protest.

"He's right, Jun." Joe interrupted her. "Why not have all of us in there, watching your back?"

Jun nodded reluctantly, understanding my position.

"I suppose, it wouldn't hurt." she said, her head bowing in quiet acquiescence.

"Good." I said, taking back control of the briefing. "The three of us will go in with Jun, taking out any opposition while Jun locates and accesses the main computer. Jun, you will command the scorpions to return to base immediately, and overload in ten minutes. That should give them enough time to clear the city, and most of them will be at the base at that point, destroying it as well."

"So, we'd better be back here on the God Phoenix when that happens!" Jinpei said.

"Damn right!" Ryu exclaimed. "I'll be waiting for a pickup call!"

"Okay, everyone set?" I asked.

"Roger!"

The four of us rose up to the top of the God Phoenix, jumping off the moment the dome opened. The dusty yellow sands of the Egyptian desert lay before us, but before long we were all on the ground, a few hundred feet away from the stream of returning scorpions.

"So, how are we going to get in?" Jinpei asked.

"I was wondering that myself." Jun said, nervously eyeing the line of mini-mecha.

"We go in with them." I said, indicating the hole in the ground through which the scorpions were disappearing.

"I was afraid you'd say that." Jun muttered.

I felt terrible. I knew that Jun didn't like bugs, and these mecha were a fair bit bigger than real scorpions.

"They're just machines, Jun." I tried to explain. "And they're low on power. It's pretty unlikely they'll attack."

Somehow, the Swan didn't seem re-assured.

"It'll be okay, Onechan." Jinpei insisted. "You'll see!"

"I'm starting to wonder why I volunteered for this." Jun sighed, but she reluctantly followed my lead. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Joe give her hand a squeeze.

At first I felt grateful that Joe was helping Jun feel better, but then a small part of me began to wonder why he was being so solicitous. Had he _really_ been telling the truth when he said that Jun didn't have feelings for him?

Certainly Joe was a lot more attractive to women than I was, and he never seemed to have trouble getting together with the girls he was interested in. Would he _actually_ consider…?

No. Joe had said just yesterday that Jun wasn't interested. I had to believe that.

But it was hard to do that when I saw the Condor putting his arm around the Swan.

"I think we can fit down there, Aniki!" Jinpei reported, having taken a look down the hole. "There's lots of room!"

A scorpion came out from underneath the sand next to our feet, and made its way toward the hole.

"Aaaaahhhh!" Jun cried, throwing herself into Joe's arms at the sight of the mecha bug.

I couldn't help the surge of jealousy that raged through me at that moment. I recalled when something similar had happened with the ant mini-mechas, and it had been the Condor's arms that had caught the frightened Swan on that occasion as well.

My face burned, even as Jun sheepishly pulled away from Joe.

"Sorry…" she mumbled.

"Anytime, Jun." Joe said quietly.

I wasn't sure what to say. I was the one responsible for putting Jun in a situation she hated, and Joe was the one comforting her. How could I compete with that?

And why the hell was I thinking about this in the middle of a mission?

Of course, Jun was never far from my thoughts, and this certainly wasn't the first time I had thought of her while on duty. But it was the first time I'd ever been jealous… enough that I was wondering if I wanted her to be alone with Joe.

I clenched my fists, taking a deep breath. I had to get over this. I couldn't jeopardize the mission over some unfounded emotions.

Suddenly, I stumbled over something buried in the sand.

"What's this?" I asked, bending down to look at the object. As I pulled at it, the ground began to shake.

"What the hell…?" Jinpei asked, as he had to jump out of the way to avoid falling into the sand. Another hole in the ground had just opened up, this one with a ladder embedded into the wall of the shaft.

"It looks like you found another entrance, Ken." Joe remarked.

"I'm just glad we didn't have to go down with the scorpions." I said, casting a look in Jun's direction. She sent a grateful smile my way, and I felt a rush of relief. Did she have any idea how my knees nearly gave way when she did that?

One by one we went down the ladder. I was in the lead, with Jun behind me, Jinpei following, and Joe bringing up the rear. Once or twice I looked up to check everyone's progress, and found myself face to face with Jun's underwear. My body stiffened, and I was glad that she couldn't see my face as we descended. I enjoyed the view, but tried desperately not to think about it. This certainly wasn't the time or place to be contemplating _that_.

Of course, I was completely unsuccessful until we were on the floor at the bottom of the shaft, and I was no longer staring at the Swan's _panchira_.

The passageway at the bottom led off in only one direction, so we kept the same order, moving along the corridor.

We approached a junction, only to encounter a troop of green-suited goons. It wouldn't really be a problem for us to defeat them, but it was clear that doing so would delay us enough to summon more Galactor soldiers. Re-programming the scorpions was going to take awhile, and we didn't need the entire base on our heads while we did it.

"Joe, you and Jinpei deal with them!" I shouted, indicating the approaching guards. "Jun and I are going to find the computer system. We'll meet you back at the God Phoenix!"

"Got it." Joe growled, sending a flurry of feather shuriken at the goons, felling the front group so that their comrades behind tripped over their now-prone bodies.

"No problem, Aniki!" Jinpei exclaimed, sending his bolas into a mass of nearby soldiers.

I grabbed Jun's hand, then ducked down the only corridor that wasn't filled with Galactor guards, making a clean getaway, thanks to Joe and Jinpei's interference.

It actually didn't take us long to find the main computer room. Most Galactor bases were laid out in similar fashion, and we had been in enough of them to have an understanding of their standard design.

"I'll get started." Jun said, the moment we arrived.

"I'll keep a lookout for trouble." I told her.

Once again, Jun and I were our team within the team, working best with each other, capitalizing on our individual strengths and weaknesses.

The feeling of happiness that washed over me was not entirely unexpected. Wasn't this what I enjoyed most about being on the Science Ninja Team?

A few goons happened upon us as Jun was working, but I quickly and quietly took them out with my Bird Rang.

"Almost done." Jun reported. "I've convinced them all to come back to the base, but now I have to figure out how to get them to overload. It's not as straightforward as I thought…"

"Just keep working on it." I told her, confident that this mission was in the bag.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

"Greetings, Gatchaman."

Berg Katse's face appeared on the wall of the room, on a large monitor. A familiar sneer graced what little I could see of his face.

"Ignore him." I ordered Jun. "He's full of hot air. Don't let him distract you."

Jun nodded, continuing to work at her task.

"I'm so glad you dropped in, Gatchaman." Katse laughed. "I know what you're trying to do, and you won't succeed."

"How's that, Katse?" I asked, more to distract and delay the Galactor Leader than because I had any interest in what he had to say.

"We've enacted high security protocols on the scorpion mecha power level command systems." the purple-masked man smirked. "It will take you at least fifteen minutes to break through them. And by that time, you will be dead!"

The image on the wall disappeared, even as the sound of Berg Katse's laughter echoed throughout the room. Suddenly, I thought I smelled something strange. It was an alkaline kind of odor, and getting stronger. I couldn't see anything, but that didn't mean there wasn't something there.

Jun began to cough.

"I think it's hydrogen chloride." she reported, covering her mouth and nose with one hand as she frantically typed with the other. "It's a good thing we're in the desert, because when this stuff encounters moisture in the air…"

"It turns into hydrochloric acid." I finished for her, starting to choke a bit myself.

"Get out of here, Ken!" Jun coughed, her breath ragged.

"I'm not leaving you!" I declared, even as my throat began to tighten up. It was becoming difficult to breathe.

"I just bypassed Katse's protocols." Jun said, her voice sounding strained. "I'm almost done…"

Even in these bizarre circumstances, my already enormous respect for Jun's abilities shot sky-high. Katse had said that it would take her fifteen minutes, and it hadn't been even a third of that time.

The Swan bent over, hacking and choking for a moment before she pulled herself upright.

"I just have to finish…" she gasped.

"I'm not leaving you."

Jun obviously didn't have the strength to argue. I placed my hand loosely over her nose and mouth, to allow her to use both of hers to access the controls.

I just hoped that we could last long enough to complete the mission, and get out of there.


	20. It's all that I can do to hide it

_**It's all that I can do to hide it**_

As Jun worked, I tried to hold my breath and look around for the vents that might be letting in the fumes. Unfortunately, I couldn't see anything obvious, and since the hydrogen chloride was completely colorless, I didn't have a visual trail to follow.

My throat was constricting, and I was choking with each breath.

"Floor…" mumbled Jun, taking a precious second to point at me and then at the ground.

I understood what she was trying to say. The fumes would be less intense on the floor, and she wanted me to get down. But that was the same as abandoning her, and I couldn't do that.

I had always done everything I could to hide my feelings from Jun, but the one thing I could never change was the way I acted when she was in danger. The moment I felt that Jun's life was threatened, I dropped everything else to help her. There had only been one time I had denied myself that instinct…when I had agreed to set fire to the Jigokiller flowers, knowing that Jun might be inside one of them. At the time, I had been desolate, wanting to kill myself as well if I had to do this to the woman I loved, but I had been prevented from doing so by Joe, as he shot the missile that ignited the plants.

Fortunately, Jun hadn't been hurt, but I had sworn that I would never fail to protect her again.

And I certainly wasn't going to give up on her now.

Still, I could tell that she was a little taken aback by my insistence on staying. Her eyes flicked over to me, questioning my continued presence by her side. It was all I could do not to look back at her and show her how I felt by the look on my face, so instead I turned away, pretending to search for the source of the gas again.

"Done…" Jun gasped, her legs trembling.

"Good." I nodded, trying to take shallow breaths. Despite that, each one burned, as the moisture in my body turned the gas into small drops of hydrochloric acid. I put my hand on Jun's back, attempting to guide her to the somewhat lower concentrations of gas on the floor.

But even that slight pressure caused the Swan to collapse, and I found myself holding her in my arms. Jun's eyes were closed and it was clear that she was unable to move out of the area under her own power.

It was all up to me.

My eyes, nose, and throat burned, and each breath was torture, but I knew that we had to escape. I laid Jun down on the floor, stretching out next to her and pulling her along with me as I inched toward the door. After what seemed like an eternity, we reached it. I used every last bit of my strength to reach up, and clasp the handle, willing it with every fiber of my being to open.

It was locked.

I pushed back the immediate feeling of panic that rose up in me, and tried to think of another solution.

I had to blow the door open.

With shaking hands, I reached down to my belt pouch, to pull out a handful of mini-grenades. But I found my arms unable to move, though I struggled to make them obey my commands.

Jun's face was in front of me, her eyes closed, a satisfied expression on her face. She had completed her task.

Yet I was failing at mine.

I heard an explosion in the distance. I guessed that the scorpions were beginning to overload. In a minute, this entire base would be a pile of rubble.

Another explosion came, this one closer to our position, and then another, right on the other side of the door. A second later, a large chunk of the wall blew out, and suddenly I could see into the corridor on the other side. There were some flames, but it looked like now that the initial blast had gone through, we could make our way.

A puff of non-chlorinated air found its way in front of my face, and that gave me the strength I needed to take a deep breath, and move forward. My limbs were obeying me again, even if they screamed in protest, and I was able to drag Jun toward the jagged hole in the metallic wall.

The acrid smoke from the flames seemed like perfumed air in comparison to the hydrogen chloride, and I had to force myself not to breathe deeply. Carefully, I managed to pull Jun into the hallway, supporting her on my back and draping her arms around my neck. Inch by inch I stumbled forward, attempting to find the exit, each step taking increasingly more effort.

At last, I could no longer continue forward, and I simply collapsed to the ground, hearing more explosions in other parts of the base.

I had done my best, but it wasn't enough. I was going to die.

The thought should have frightened me, but instead, my fear came from another source.

I hadn't been able to tell Jun that I loved her. Even now, I wasn't able to tell her why I _really_ hadn't wanted to leave her alone in the hydrogen chloride.

At least, if she had to die, I could give her one last piece of myself… I wouldn't let her die alone.


	21. There is nothing better than being with2

_**There is nothing better than being with you**_

I continued to try and move forward, the super-heated metal floor burning my skin, even through my Birdstyle, but I knew I wasn't making much progress.

My body refused to give up, but in my mind, I knew that this was it. I had faced death before, but there had only been one other time when I had mentally given up: when I had _known_ in my heart that this was the end.

I had volunteered to install a minus bomb on Galactor's fire-breathing dragon mecha. I had been successful in doing so, but unable to escape the dragon. As the deadly layer of ice had approached me, I had pulled myself into a far corner of the mecha, wrapping my wings around myself and bending my head, knowing that it was the end. Fortunately, as the mecha had broken apart, a crack had appeared in the wall next to me, and I had been able to escape.

But for a moment, I had been convinced that I was going to die.

At the time, I had regretted that I had to end my life before having a chance to explore my developing feelings for Jun… before I had truly had a chance to _live_.

Now, more than a year later, I found myself wishing the same thing. I had been waiting for the war to end so that I could be with Jun, only to discover that this battle was never-ending.

Instead, death was claiming me again, and I had wasted my chance to do something…

Even so, on the verge of death, I was glad to be facing it with Jun. There was no one else I would rather be with, even in these last few moments of life.

I felt her arms around my neck, and her body on my back. Her hands were in mine, and I felt a sense of completion that, at least, we would die in each other's embrace.

Another explosion sounded even closer, but I was no longer able to react. I closed my eyes, holding Jun's hands, dreaming of dancing with her in my arms…


	22. And it's feeling so nice 3

_**And I'm feeling so nice**_

I blinked, a bright, artificial light pricking at my eyelids. Where was I?

My head turned slowly, and I saw Jun lying next to me. We were in the Medical Bay of the God Phoenix.

"I'm glad you're awake."

I turned my head again, this time seeing Joe grinning at me.

"I'm alive?" I asked. Of course, it was a stupid question, but this wasn't how I had expected to end up.

"Well, I wasn't about to let Katse brag that he had killed you." Joe smirked. "He'd be impossible to deal with after that."

"I appreciate the sentiment…" I moaned. "_Feels_ like I'm dead, though…"

"Yeah, you two breathed in a lot of smoke." Joe said. "But it shouldn't feel that bad…"

"Before the smoke, we inhaled a lot of hydrogen chloride." I told Joe.

"Ah… that changes things." Joe said, moving over to the computer to check the database for treatments.

"How did we get out of there?" I asked Joe.

"Well, you're the White Shadow, aren't you?" Joe asked me. "I guess you slipped out of there unseen…"

I groaned, partly in pain and partly because of the Condor's pathetic attempt at humor.

"Okay, fine." Joe rolled his eyes. "When Ryu told us that you weren't back on the God Phoenix, Jinpei and I went looking for you. We found you in a burned out hallway of the base that was about to collapse on top of your heads."

"Thanks…" I said, knowing that my words were insufficient to convey my full gratitude.

"It was nothing you wouldn't do for me." Joe brushed me off. I nodded, knowing he was right. Still, it was good to realize that I had teammates I could count on.

"How's Jun?" I asked, turning back to look at the Swan.

"Stable." Joe replied. "She should be okay. At least, that's what I told the Kid to keep him out of here."

I turned back to look at Jun. She looked as if she were sleeping peacefully.

"I'm glad you're okay, Jun." I whispered to her, reaching out to touch her shoulder.

To my surprise, she smiled, her eyes fluttering open.

"I hope I'm not dreaming…" she murmured.

"You're not dreaming." I told her. "We're back on the God Phoenix. Joe and Jinpei got us out of there."

"How are you feeling, Jun?" Joe asked, coming over.

"Terrible…" she replied, her voice a bit hoarse. "My throat…"

"It burns?" Joe asked. Jun nodded in response. My throat didn't feel so great either, but it hadn't occurred to me until just now. I had been too shocked to learn that we were alive to think about it.

"It's the hydrogen chloride." Joe said. "Fortunately, the oxygen I gave you guys for the smoke was also the right thing for that. Here, Jun, you should drink something."

Joe handed Jun a bottle of cold water, and gave one to me as well.

"I'll also administer some regenerative medications to help your internal tissues heal." Joe said. "There's not much else to do. We can't reverse the damage; only heal it. Fortunately, the scans don't indicate anything permanent."

"Thanks again, Joe." I said.

"Yes, thank you, Joe." Jun echoed.

"No problem." Joe acknowledged our words as he injected us with the medication.

"I'm just going to tell Jinpei that you guys are awake." the Condor told us. "I'll be back here with him in a few minutes."

"I should thank you as well, Ken." Jun said quietly, as soon as Joe was gone.

"What for?" I hung my head. "I didn't get us out of there, Jun. I passed out in a hallway full of smoke. It was Joe and Jinpei who…"

"That's not what I meant, Ken." Jun said, looking at me seriously. "Thank you for not arguing with me, back in the base; for letting me finish the mission. And…"

The look on her face tore my heart in two. I reached out, enfolding her in my arms.

"Thank you for staying with me, even in the midst of that horrible gas." she breathed, so softly that I barely heard her.

"I would never leave you." I said, pulling her closer to me.

"I know that now." Jun said, tilting her face up to look at me. "And it makes me feel…"

I waited for her to gather her words, my heartbeat echoing in my ears.

"I've… I've always been afraid of dying alone." she admitted, her eyes brimming with tears. "And you stayed with me… Because of that, I was able to concentrate and complete the mission. So, thank you, Ken."

"I would do anything for you, Jun." I said honestly. "I'm just sorry I wasn't able to get us both out of there."

"I know that whatever you did, you did your best, Ken." Jun replied. "And the most important thing is that you didn't leave me alone. Knowing that, the thought of dying didn't really bother me."

I tightened my arms around her, feeling a connection strengthening between us. Neither Jun nor I were afraid of dying, as long as we were together.

And I never intended to leave her.


	23. There is nowhere better than here with2

_**There is nowhere better than here with you**_

The God Phoenix docked back at the Crescent Coral Base, and after an examination (and more regenerative drugs) the Medical Facility released us. I went home to my shack and fell onto the bed, exhausted. I didn't even know how long it had been since I had last slept.

When I awoke, it was late afternoon, but my first conscious thought was of Jun.

I looked around my bedroom, seeing it with new eyes. It wasn't really a home in any sense, merely a place where I kept a few things and spent the night now and then. I got up and walked through the rest of the place: a bathroom, a combination kitchen/living room and a tiny office. It all felt the same to me.

Empty.

It wasn't just that I had very few possessions, but that the mere fact that I stored them here didn't make this house special. If I should have a connection to any place, it should be here. This was what my father left to me: his one legacy. This shack, and the attached airfield, were the only things I truly had to call my own.

And yet, when I thought of _home_, I didn't think of here.

I thought of the Snack J.

I thought of _Jun_.

Nothing in my life was meaningful, unless she was with me. And today, I had discovered that even death was meaningless without her.

I had to see her.

Acting purely on instinct, I grabbed my keys and walked out the front door, intent on finding the one person who made sense of my life.

Jun.

As I walked toward the Snack, each step was easier than the last. Unlike the previous night, when I had slogged home through the rain accompanied by my gloomy thoughts, this journey was full of promise and hope.

I could hardly wait to see her.

When I arrived, the blinds were all drawn, and it was obvious that the Joint was closed. Still, I hoped that Jun was home. I raised my hand and knocked at the door.

I heard the sound of light footsteps, and a slow grin crept across my face.

"Did you forget your keys again, Jinpei?"

The door opened to reveal an astonished Jun. Her expression of surprise broke into a welcoming smile.

"Ken!" she exclaimed. "What brings you here?"

"I wanted to see you." I said. "I… I needed to see you."

"Well, I'm here." Jun smiled softly. "Come on in."

She opened the door and let me inside.

"Why don't we go upstairs?" Jun suggested. "I was just going to make some hot chocolate. Would you like some?"

"Sounds great." I said, following her up the stairs, admiring the way her hips swayed with each step.

We walked into Jun and Jinpei's small living room, and I sat down on their old, beat-up couch. Dust motes danced in the late-afternoon sunlight, and Jun picked up an armful of Jinpei's video games and comic books from the coffee table.

"Sorry about the mess." she sighed while putting things away. "Between Jinpei's clutter and my lack of spare time, this place usually looks like a disaster just hit."

"Don't worry about it." I said. "It's perfect."

Jun looked at me like I was crazy, her eyes widening in surprise.

"It's a _home_." I explained.

She nodded, somehow understanding what I was saying, then sat down next to me on the couch.

"So, what did you want to talk to me about, Ken?"


	24. And it's feeling so nice 4

_**And it's feeling so nice**_

Now that I was here, I suddenly didn't know what to say. I gulped nervously, then opened my mouth, but nothing came out.

"Is it about last night?" Jun asked, placing a gentle hand on my arm.

Last night… dancing with Jun, nearly telling her how I felt, then being interrupted by Jinpei and walking home alone in the rain…

"Yes…" I said, "uh… sort of."

This wasn't going well at all. I stopped, took a deep breath, and started again.

"When I got home I was so exhausted that I just fell into bed. And when I woke up, my first thought was of you." I said.

My words brought a smile to her face, and seeing that made me feel more confident.

"I just felt like I had to see you." I tried to explain. "My place was empty…"

Okay, this wasn't going so well. I had never been very good with words.

"You mean, it isn't cluttered up like our place?" Jun laughed, gesturing at the piles of things, mostly Jinpei's, that were scattered about the room.

"No," I smiled, "it isn't, but that's not what I mean." I took her hands in mine. Again, I felt that electric shock as I touched her that way, just as I had the night before, when taking her in my arms to dance. I could tell that Jun felt it too. She was obviously surprised, but she kept smiling at me.

"Wherever you are, that's where I want to be." I said simply. It was pretty lame, but at least I was expressing myself. I was getting into things I had tried to hide for a long time, so I spoke more quickly, to prevent myself from losing my nerve.

"When I woke up, I was so happy just to have returned safely from that mission," I said, my words coming out in a rush. "But you weren't there to share it with me."

"So, I had to see you." I finished weakly.

"I know what you mean." Jun said simply.

My mouth fell open. _She did_? How could she understand what I could barely wrap my mind around?

"The reason we were able to complete the mission is because you stayed with me." she explained. "I could never have done it without you. I know I told you to leave, but inside, a part of me was glad when you didn't. I was afraid of being alone. Of being… without you."

"I always feel better when you're around, Ken." Jun said. "Being with you is just so…. nice." She smiled sweetly, squeezing my hands.

"I feel the same way." I was grinning like an idiot, but I didn't care. Jun's words sent me through the stratosphere.

"Even when I was losing consciousness," Jun said seriously, "I knew that it was likely that I was going to die. But I wasn't afraid. I was with you, and that was all I ever wanted. I wasn't going to die alone."

"It was like that for me too." I replied, staring into her emerald eyes. "I was afraid of failing you, but death didn't scare me. I knew that at least, if I were going to die, it would be with you by my side, fighting for what we both wanted."

"I still feel like I failed you." I added. "I wasn't able to get us out of there, and you were counting on me."

"No," Jun shook her head. "You didn't fail me Ken. You _stayed_. That was what I needed. I knew you would try your best to get us out of there, and you didn't fail me there either. Even at the end, you were trying to save us, weren't you?"

I nodded slowly.

"As long as you're with me, I'm not afraid, Ken." Jun said, grasping my hands tightly. "There is a reason you're the leader of the Science Ninja Team. I'd do anything for you, endure anything for you, because you're always there for me. You never let the team… you never let _me_ down."

Jun's words created a warm glow inside of me. To know that she had placed her faith in me, and that I had lived up to her expectations, meant more to me than I could say.


	25. Did I already say?

_**Did I already say**_

"You are always with me, Jun." I said. "I can't let you down, because you're always there, urging me on, when I most need your support."

Jun smiled, nodding her agreement.

"It's the same for me, Ken." she whispered. "No matter what I go through on a mission, I can deal with it because you're there with me, in my heart. Those times when Galactor captured me, even when they tortured me, I just pictured you telling me to stay strong, and I knew that they couldn't defeat me."

All of my fears about what could happen to Jun if Katse found out how I felt about her suddenly seemed so insignificant. Certainly it wasn't something I would want to happen, but I knew now that if Jun were captured, she would be able to deal with whatever Galactor did to her, just as I would be able to deal with it, knowing that she was in my heart.

By allowing Berg Katse's potential actions to stop me from declaring myself, I was allowing him to run my life for me. I had been afraid of Katse, and I didn't want to be that way any more. If Jun could stand up to him, then so could I.

And I would give Jun the strength and support to endure whatever might come in this terrible war. Nothing Berg Katse could do to us was insurmountable, as long as we had each other. Just knowing that we were fighting for each other was enough.

My mind was awhirl with these revelations. Why hadn't I seen this before? How simple everything could have been, if I had understood what kinds of closeness Jun and I truly shared.

I looked at Jun, my feelings for her overwhelming me. I reached out and drew her into my arms, burying my face in her hair as I had done the night before.

"We can get through anything, Jun." I said in a choked voice. "As long as we have each other."

"Didn't I already say that?" Jun laughed softly, holding me in her soft embrace.


	26. Cause you make me forget

_**'Cause you make me forget**_

"It's amazing, Jun." I said, pulling back to look at her face.

"What's amazing?" she asked curiously.

"You are." I said. "What you do for me is amazing. When I'm with you, I can forget about all of the pain and misery that we see…"

"Those are things that I would like to forget, too." Jun said solemnly. "I… I just can't think about it. When we see innocent people dying I feel like I'm dying inside as well. Especially the children. Like last year, at Christmas, when Galactor gave out those 'presents'…"

Her voice choked off with a sob. I cursed myself for bringing this up. Things had been going so well, and I had gone and upset her.

"It's okay…" I said, pulling her back into my embrace. "I know how that affected you."

"I know you did." Jun wiped at her eyes. "At New Year's… you helped me forget…"

New Year's… when I had held her in my arms, and I had kissed her. We had never talked about that night; never acknowledged the potential we had discovered between us in that brief moment.

"Just like you helped me forget, when my father died." I reminded her. "You've always been able to help me through the most difficult times in my life, Jun."

"I'm glad I can be there for you, Ken." Jun smiled, even as she brushed away her tears. "You've always been there for me. It's like…"

"It's like we complete each other." I finished for her.

I hadn't thought about the words, I had only said what was in my heart. But at once I knew that they were true.

Whenever I felt a hole in my heart, whenever my soul felt as if it were being torn apart by what we were forced to endure during this war, Jun was always able to make things right. She was able to bring me back from whatever depression threatened to overwhelm me; able to make me see that there was good in the world, and that our cause, our fight, wasn't hopeless.

Jun was the very reason I was fighting at all.

"Yes…" she breathed, "that's it."

Jun laid her head on my chest, snuggling into my arms.

"You complete me, Ken." she said. "You make me feel like there's a future worth fighting for, once this war is over."

The feelings she expressed were so close to what was in my heart that I nearly gasped out loud.

She _did_ feel the same way about me. I was now as certain of that as I was about my own feelings.

The only question left was: did I have the nerve to tell her?


	27. I might as well be brave and tell you

_**I might as well be brave and tell you**_

The whistle of a kettle sent Jun jumping out of my arms.

"The hot chocolate!" she exclaimed. "I almost forgot! I'll be back in a second, Ken."

She hurried into the kitchen, and I could hear her bustling around in the tiny space. She began humming, as she had done the night before, and it created a warm feeling inside of my heart.

Jun was happy.

She was happy, because of _me_.

I had to tell her.

But… if she was happy now, the way things were, did I have to rock the boat? Was it absolutely necessary to take things that one step further?


	28. Cause it hurts me to think you might

_**And it hurts me to think you might never know**_

Jun had faced death twice in the last few days. Who knew how many more times she would face it before this war was over? Much as I hated to admit it to myself, we just didn't know what the future held, and it was entirely possible that one, or both, of us might not be alive to see the end of this war.

Could I allow Jun die without ever letting her know how I felt? Even if she was happy _now_, didn't she deserve to know what was in my heart? Didn't she deserve to know that she was loved?

Even worse, what would happen if _I_ died, and Jun were left alive, feeling alone, never knowing that she had been the most important part of my life?

I couldn't do that to her.

What was more, I couldn't do it to myself. These last few moments with Jun had shown me that she might have the same feelings.

The potential was there… if only I had the courage to ask.

Could I deny _myself_ the opportunity to find out how she would respond? The opportunity to be with Jun in _every_ way, as I had so often longed to be?

If I didn't tell her, would I always regret not doing so? Would she find someone else, and drift away? If I didn't tell her now, there was no guarantee that I would be able to, later on.

This might be my last chance to tell her the truth.


	29. Will it hurt as much being true?

_**Will it hurt as much being true?**_

But then, the potential repercussions of telling Jun of my feelings were too significant to ignore. In fact, it had always been this that had kept me from saying anything.

Everyone would know how we felt. If Jun and I were together, we wouldn't be able to keep it a secret. Joe, Jinpei, Ryu… would this alter our working relationship? Dr. Nambu… how would he take this? Somehow, I doubted he would be pleased, but then, with Hakase, you never knew. He had raised me as a father, but like my real father, he had always been somewhat distant… reserved. I could never tell for certain what he was thinking unless he chose to reveal it to me. Yet, somehow, I knew that while this war was going on, Dr. Nambu would not welcome news of that kind of relationship between any two members of the Science Ninja Team, much less when one of them was the leader of that team.

Of course, these ramifications were nothing compared to Berg Katse's potential reaction. Even knowing that Jun was capable of coping with anything Katse might do to her, I didn't know if I could live with myself if I were responsible for her being hurt or violated by Galactor.

It was a heavy burden to bear.

And yet… despite these doubts, I felt a strong sense of conscience compelling me to speak. The truth was weighing on me. I had had these doubts for years, yet in the last couple of days I had come to terms with them, and now I finally understood that the greatest of these fears, that of Katse's potential reaction to our relationship, was not insurmountable.

Could I deal with the rest?

If I looked deep inside myself, I knew that I could. These were only excuses. If I wasn't going to let Berg Katse dictate my actions, then certainly I wasn't going to let anyone else do so.


	30. I might as well be brave and tell you 2

_**I might as well be brave and tell you**_

Jun came back into the room, balancing two mugs of hot chocolate and a plate of cookies.

"Sorry I took so long." she apologized.

"It was worth the wait." I smiled warmly at her.

To my surprise, Jun blushed, her hands trembling slightly as she set the plate on the table and handed me my mug. Nervously, she put her cup to her mouth, blowing on the hot beverage to cool it.

Strangely enough, I wasn't nervous at all. For the first time, I felt confident in what I should do, and unafraid of the consequences.

I put down my mug, then gently removed Jun's cup from her hand and set it down next to mine.

"Jun, there's something I need to tell you." I said.

"You said that last night as well." Jun reminded me.

"I did," I acknowledged, "but last night I wasn't entirely certain that I wanted to say it. That's why I ran out, when Jinpei interrupted us."

"I thought that might have been the case…" Jun appeared nervous again. I took her hands in mine and held them tightly.

"I'm sure now." I told her. "I'm not going to run out again."

Jun took a deep breath, then nodded solemnly.

I knew that this was it. I had to tell her now, or I would never have another chance.

"Jun, for me, there is nothing better than being with you."

"I like being with you too, Ken." Jun smiled.

"It's more than that." I sighed in frustration. Words had never come to me very easily. But I tried again.

"It doesn't matter where you are; there is nowhere better than _here_, with _you_."

"I understand, Ken." she said softly. "The place doesn't matter. It's the _person_ you're with."

I nodded in relief. Somehow, I was getting through! I wasn't making a complete mess of things. And then, I passed the point of no return.

"I love you, Jun."

"You…" Jun appeared slightly shocked. "I had been wondering, about that."

It wasn't exactly the response I had been hoping for. My hands fell away from hers.

"You had?" I wasn't sure what else to say. I had barely planned for the moment I had told her, much less what happened next.

"Yes, I…" Jun shook her head. "Forgive me, Ken, I just never expected you, of all people, to be so forthcoming about your feelings."

I could see that. I had been struggling with this for so long. It was something of a surprise to me that I had actually managed to get past my doubts, and clearly this was not something Jun had been anticipating.

"It's taken me a long time to speak to you about this." I admitted. "I'm sorry."

"Oh, no, Ken!" Jun reached out, touching my shoulder. Her other hand lightly brushed at my cheek. My body thrilled at the intimacy of the slight contact, and I longed to pull her close to me.

But now, I wasn't sure that was what Jun wanted.

"Don't be sorry..." Jun whispered. "I can see how difficult this has been for you. I'm glad you told me."

"Because, you had been wondering…" I was confused. Did Jun feel the same way about me, or not?

"Yes." Jun nodded. "Ever since New Year's…"

New Year's… that night was burned into my memory. I would never forget how it had felt to kiss Jun, and have her fall asleep in my arms.

"I had thought that there was something special, between us, at New Year's." Jun admitted.

"There was…" I said weakly.

"I can see that, now." Jun smiled. "But at the time, you got more distant. You pulled away from me."

She was right. I had been worried that my feelings would overwhelm me, and for a while I kept myself from being with her, to avoid saying or doing something I hadn't been ready for, at the time.

"I was afraid." I admitted. "I didn't know how to deal with what I was feeling."

"But you understand," Jun said, "that I didn't know that. I just began to doubt the existence of what I had initially thought was there."

"I… I understand." I understood all right. I had ruined everything. By being so hesitant, I had lost her.

"I'm just so glad that I was wrong."

Huh?

"I love you too, Ken."

Wait a minute, had I heard her right?

"You do?" I couldn't keep the surprise from my voice.

"Of course, silly!" Jun smiled in a way that made me melt inside. "You mean, you didn't…?"

"I was worried, just now," I admitted, "but no, I never knew for sure. I had hoped, but…"

"Okay, let me be perfectly clear." Jun stated. Her tone was serious, but her eyes were sparkling with amusement.

"I. Love. You. Ken."

"I love you too, Jun."


	31. And it's feeling so nice so nice

_**And it's feeling so nice**_

It was amazing how freeing it was to say that. I suddenly felt as if there was nothing I couldn't do. If Jun loved me, then I was unstoppable.

And since there was nothing I couldn't do, I did what I had been longing to do for years.

I drew her into my arms and kissed her.

Jun sighed, wrapping her arms around my neck. The soft sound inflamed me, and my kisses became more demanding.

I pulled her closer, leaning back until her slim form was lying on top of mine, our limbs intertwined as our lips expressed the feelings we had held back for so long. The feel of her body against mine filled me with a sense of urgency, but also a sense of peace.

Jun fulfilled me. She completed me. At last I knew where I belonged.

With Jun.

And it was feeling so nice.


End file.
